What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? The lawyer is a human being whose profession is to give legal advice and assistance to clients and represent them in court or in other legal matters while the catfish is a freshwater or marine fish with whiskerlike barbels around the mouth, typically bottom-dwelling. -BG_Shank_A

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Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a disease, it's called cancer.

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Why was Edgar sad at the swimming pool? Edgar had been taking swimming lessons for a few weeks, on a tuesday-thursday basis, and was not learning how to swim as well as he would have liked. His instructer, Ms. Herpina was also very rude and generally disrespectful to Edgar. As a result of him seeing the lack of progress, and his dislike of his teacher, one day he quit going to his lessons and went to the local Dairy Queen instead with his girlfriend, Susie. Little did he know, his mother had also gone out to buy him DairyQueen, as a celebration to him becoming better at swimming. When she saw him at Dairy Queen, she was very angry at her son, who had lied to her about going to that days' lesson, and had also lied to her about not having a girlfriend. After his mom told his girlfriend that they couldn't date, she took a distraught Edgar to their small apartment. Edgar had always hated this apartment, ever since the first day they moved in as a result from the lack of money to afford a nicer area. After his older brother David stole all that money from his mother to buy drugs a few years back, his life hasn't been the same. His mother was forced to move into an apartment with few luxories, and Edgar was constantly jealous of his friends at school, especially Jason, the dark haired boy who always bragged about how good he was at his PSP games. Edgar only wanted happiness for at least a little while, but was quickly forced back to the pool. He was embarassed at the fact that he couldn't swim, and all the popular girls at the pool were making fun of him. It had been a rough life for Edgar, and he was still only seven years of age. This, my child, is why Edgar was sad at the swimming pool.

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What did the black kid get on his report card? Math: C- English: D+ Social Studies: C+ Gym:A+ Science: D- N.P.P.

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Their were three business men going on a trip, they had only one bed in the hotel so they had to sleep in the same bed. The next day guy on the right said i a great handjob last night and the guy on the left said the same thing. The guy in the middle said last night i was dreaming i was skiing

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An Aussie, American and Englishman were all drinking beer on a plane to Hawaii. All 3 of them were very excited for their vaction, which they all saved hard for and their breaks from work were well deserved.

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A man walks into a pole He breaks his nose And bleeds to death

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What is hard, long, moist, and flesh colored? A hotdog you dirty, dirty bastard!

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why is the man laughing. he isn't, he's just been informed he has testicular cancer.

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If life hands you melons you might be dyslexic

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Why couldn't the man ever reach his dream of becoming a professional athlete? He was pronounced with Alzheimer at a young age and could never remember his dream the next day.

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How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face.

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what looks about a computer which has two wheels? a bike. i lied about the computer...

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what looks about a computer which has two wheels? a bike. i lied about the computer...

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A black guy wearing a mask runs into a store, points his gun at the cashier, steals some money and runs out. The police start an investigation the following morning

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What do you call somebody with no arms or legs and they are stranded in the middle of the ocean? Answer: screwed

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Why can't Helen Keller read? Because she's a woman

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Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver? Cause she was blind, def, and mute. Thus making it difficult to drive.

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What did one liar say to the other liar? I'm very honest.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There must have been something that peaked her interest.

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What does an Asian do in a library in his school? Write one of these.

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knock knock whos there. no one your hullicinating, heroine is hell of a drug

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If i had 100 dollars for every time a black president was assainted i would have 100 dollars in 4 months and six days.

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A Muslim walks into a bar, and has a pint of lager because he has chosen to integrate into his host country's culture. He then leaves without incident.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops