A man walked into a bar. He needed 5 stitches.

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What would happen if you insulted Chuck Norris' mother? Considering you did it on a messageboard that only unemployed people with no social lives use, nothing.

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Still Carrying Heavy Pet Food? That sucks

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Why did Billy fall over? Because someone tripped him.

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Why do we park in driveways and drive in parkways? Good question.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

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how do you know an elephant has gotten into your refrigerator? The fridge is on its side, the door is torn off, and the ruined food scattered all over the floor. Not to mention there is an elephant in your kitchen.

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A kid is stuck in a fire, his dad (a firefighter) comes and saves him. Sadly the kid needed surgery from the fire. He went to the hospital and when the doctor looked at him he said "I cannot operate on my own son." How can this be? His parents are gay...

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Why couldn't Suzie put on her boots? Because she got her legs amputated.

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If you see a person falling down your balcony, Say cya later!

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What do you call two black people in the same sleeping bag? A newly married couple on their camping adventure honeymoon.

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A lawyer walks into a bar, and due to the repercussions of severe head trauma was never able to do so again.

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To men walk into a bar. One says to a paying customer, "Mind if I sit here?" and the other man inquires the bartender about so.e fancy drink that takes five minutes to prepare. After 23 minutes, naturally, they left at exactly the same time and they went home to their wife and kids. They both share a wife and kids.

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In particle-joke physics, the antijoke is the extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the joke, where the antijoke is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the normal joke is composed of particles. Furthermore, mixing jokes and antijokes can lead to the annihilation of both, in the same way that mixing antiparticles and particles does.The result of antijoke meeting jokes is an explosion.[1]

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This blind man read my mind the other day. I swear, it's like he has a 5th sense!

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Let's ride bikes!!

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Were do seamen live under the sea? A submarine!

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is it normal to be sexualy atracted to numbers?

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How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? She didn't use enough sunscreen.

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What do you call it when Justin Beiber has sex with a girl? Consensual sexual intercourse between two young adults.

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Whats the difference between a black man and a paraplegic? A paraplegic doesn't walk out on his family

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Why did the cab driver talk about the Holocaust? Because he began to shart his pants while singing pocket full of sunshine as a royal blue pancake swerved across the terrain.

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an irishman an american and a jihadist get a plane were did they go right through my house

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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