Robert Palmer: Doctor Doctor give me the news! Doctor: You have contracted lung cancer and AIDS. You will die before Christmas.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Scream went into the bar. The bartender says," Why the long face?" "..." *facepalm*

thumb_up thumb_down +1

knock knock who's there the police you're under arrest for the kidnapping, and murder of 12 girls you have the right to remain silent anything you say or do can and will be used against you in the court of law

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it died. Q: Why did the dog fall out of the tree? A: Because it was tied to the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why was the boy crying? Because he was told he would never find a wife

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's the difference between a police officer and a green dinosaur? They both aren't cabbages.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? A: I take off my shoes when I jump on a trampoline.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What sport was the man with one leg excelling in? Ass kicking.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is Blue, Pink, and Green, and sometimes sparkles when wet? Grass. I lied about the Blue and Pink to throw you off...because I can.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What was going through the man's head on the 51st floor when the first plane hit? The 52nd floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

why do midgets surf in kitchens? because of microwaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the police officer decide to eat a donut? Because he was slightly hungry, but a meal seemed too much for him.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: what did the old man do to the little boy in his dark cellar while babysitting on a stormy night? A: told him to hold a flashlight because the power went out and he needed to find his electric generator.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A dyslexic man walks into a bar. He orders a drink successfully, pays, and leaves. Three weeks later he dies tragically.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what's worse then the holocaust finding a worm in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How many retards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? No number of them could figure it out. They sit in the dark for hours, scared of the monsters.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the man turn up at his friend's funeral dressed as Mickey Mouse? Because it would have been disrespectful not to attend.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the hobo break both of his arms? He didn't like them.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man wearing a 'What Would Jesus Do' bracelet and a livestrong bracelet goes up to a blind kid and rubs his eyes and the kid can see. The kid was was not used to the bright lights and wandered into traffic, was hit by a car and killed instantly.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We are both lawyers.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man walks into a bar and orders a pop because he was a designated driver

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is white and can't climb trees? Toothpaste.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops