What happened to the boy who ate a piece of his Halloween candy? He died. It was laced with cyanide.

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So a woman walks out of a kitchen, she is instantly mauled by a bear.

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Chose to describe yourself: Green thumb: Tall wealthy, good looking, intelligent man with a model wife, a ferrari expensivo, a hotel just for yourself. Red thumb: A below average piece of shit? Green thumb? Dont lie to me you piece of sh*t!

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Why do elephant tusks stick out? For uprooting trees and bushes, and for defending their young.

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What do a turtle an a bird have in common? They both fly except the turtle

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Roses are red, violets are blue I've got Alzheimer's cheese on toast

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I have read and agree to the Terms of Service.

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Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they're all dead

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Roses are red, lemons are sour, open your legs and give me an hour.

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What's gay and Jewish? Henry Shine

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy launched a flare. Nobody came.

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Excuses are like assholes: Gay men like to have sex with them.

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So I'm balls deep in this 9 year old...

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Why was the Magic: The Gathering player a virgin? Because he was underage and it would have been immoral for him to have had sex.

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Whats better than seeing a worm in your apple... Reading the the next anti-joke.

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Why didn't Hitler go to heaven? He killed millions of jews and was an atheist.

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what do you call a dumb blonde with no arms? Her name because she will not respond to anything else

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Guy 1: Why did Captain Hook die? Guy 2: Because he wiped his anus with a hook? Guy 1: No, because everyone dies.

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Five little monkeys jumping on the bed One fell off and bumped his head Mama called the doctor an the doctor said, "I am calling Child Protection Services."

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- Women have rights, aren't they? - Yes, they have.

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what did the man do when he was at the end of his rope? he bought more rope.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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your mother is such a nice person that most people enjoy her company

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Why doesn't Julius Caesar ever use a cell phone? Because he died in 44 BC.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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