knock knock whos there? ughh omg youre dying what yeah dear god ok ill call 911 no im fine its just a seizure ok get well soon

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A black man walks into a bar full of white people. And then... He orders his drink.

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http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2008/04/Deer_mating2.jpg

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A fat black guy walks into a pet store and asks if he can have a chicken. The cashier says "what do you want a chicken for?" He says " I need to lose weight so I'm hoping to eat its all natural eggs" So the cashier gives him the chicken and the fat black guy lost 50 pounds.

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Whats old and has been alone for years. Your dead nan

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Hey, in case you are around and still wonder how he got out. Anonymous tip from yours truly, if he had remained there, you would all have taken the blame. Just stay away from the deep web, and I wont be forced to come get all of you as well. For a long while I was suspicious that you might have been leaking information regarding me and all of us, but then the rules changed and information regarding Point Zero, subtle hints and such, began spreading, it has been removed, nobody will know what Intel was sold, so yeah, he was a mole, he is no more, for this I am sorry.

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who do you call when you see a ghost in your apartment? The Mental Hospital.

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So there were these three guys on a plane, one with a ruptured hernia, one with a stomach infection and one with a raging case of gingivitis. Half way through the flight the pilot said, "unfortunately we will not it make to our destination... we are crashing." The three men then went to get the parachutes. they then say that there was only two. the man with the ruptured hernia picked one up and threw it out the door and pushed out the guy with the stomach infection. The guy with the raging case of gingivitis said, "why did you do that... we could have used that parachute!" the man with the ruptured hernia responded, "taco." and jumped out of the plane. the pilot then goes on the intercom and says," sorry. false alarm. we will not be crashing, please enjoy the rest of your flight."

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Yo mama is so short, she has trouble reaching the top shelf.

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Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

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What did Woody say to Buzz? A lot. There were three movies.

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Why did the flight attendant look scared every time every time she saw a muslim get on the airplane? Because her family got murdered in front of her before she came to work

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Why did the paperboy fall off his bike? I threw a fridge at him because he was a ginger.

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There was once a really smart Hufflepuff.

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What do you call a mailman who doesn't deliver mail? Unemployed

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What did the girl get with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Cancer.

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Whats worse then walking into a door? getting shot in the head by a 10ft squirrel holding 44.magnum and a slice of cheese in the other

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There are two jews in an oven. One says "It sure is hot in here" and the other says "AHH A TALKING JEW"

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There were three men walking across the road and it started to rain

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Q: what did the man say to the woman? A: hi

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? Were both lawyers.

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What do an airplane and a grape have in common? They both have wings, except the grape.

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Two guys walk into a bar. They are knocked out and rushe to hospital because the bar was metal.

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I met a hot girl in the Tampon aisle and i asked if she wanted to hang out in 5-7 days

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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