I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk? "I set WHO free?"

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What has ears, but can't hear, eyes, but can't see, a mouth, but can't talk, and legs, but can't walk? A deaf and blind paraplegic with an improperly functioning larynx.

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whats red and brown and goes about 30mph? a squirrel in a blender.

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I ounce had a parrot it talked buy never said im hungry so it died

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How do you kill a black person? Make them skydive 10,000 feet in the air without a parachute

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Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, "Sure is hot in here." The other muffin says, "AHHHH! A talking muffin."

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David Cameron

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What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved

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Do cows get breast cancer or utter cancer?

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what happens when you punt a baby in between 2 poles? you get 3 points

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Q: What has no color, no shape, no size, and was born in your mind? A: The thought you just had about this anti-joke.

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I man was taking a major shiit He forgot to wipe

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Whats Stupider than john? Nothing.. he's certifiably retarded

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Why were Billy's parents laughing at him? Because he was just diagnosed with cancer!

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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Why did the student get expelled from a Christian school? He continually beat other students between class periods.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't.

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Jesus: I will return. Hitler: Well I am back... Nazi as in Nazireth Bush: As I said I was elected by Gawd. Me: What? What about me? Seriously why did I put myself here? Id have three bullets with them in a room, and id still shoot you six times.

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Sam slept and never woke up again.. Because he followed his dream.

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AIDS

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Why dont you greet your friend Jack on a plane? because you will say "hi Jack"

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What makes Amish bread different than regular bread? It's made by Amish people

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It wanted to commit suicide

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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