Why did the carpenter cry? Somebody killed his family.

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If Donald Trump was in Game Of Thrones, he'd probably be a part of The Wall.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the 2nd monkey fall out if the tree? He was stapled to the first Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, Monkey do.

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Why did the potato cross the road? It didn't. A potato is a vegetable. It cannot walk, think or speak.

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My friends and family all recommended me for alcoholics anonymous, but all i had to say is that my father didn't raise me to be quitter.

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why did the man choke at the lunch table. Police there is a banana attacking me what should I do?

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Twelve billion Nero, you puppy dog you hot blooded latino man. Why cant I control it myself?

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Why can't basketball players play hockey? Because hockey and basketball season occur at the same time.

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Why was the wife laying on the ground crying? Because she wasn't in the kitchen making a sandwich for her husband

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Your mom is so fat she is larger then the average person.

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What could be worse than a giant paint bubble? The Holocaust.

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A black man texts his wife to tell her that he is going to be late coming home from work.....Just kidding, pay phones cannot send text messages.

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what happened to the slut last time she opened her legs. a bee flew in and stung her. turned out she was deathly allergic. she died a painful death.

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"What's wrong?" "I can't fap." "Why not?" "Because I saw your face."

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there are three women witch one is married? the one with the ring on its finger

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what's the difference between your grandmother and a dead squirrel? Technically, if you burn them both, your grandmother will produce more ash, but apart from that, they are both useless pieces of carbon.

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gabe sucks 8-------------------D~

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What is black and blue and doesn't like sex? The 6 year old in my basement.

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roses are red, violets are fine, you be the six, and I'll be the nine.

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Why did the old man fall down the stairs and died? Because he had a stroke and never got life alert!

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? He got hit by a bus. Why did the bus crash? It hit a boy eating an ice cream cone.

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Q: Why are pine trees green? A: Because of the green pigments in the leaves known as chlorophyll which are used to capture sunlight.

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Q. Why do some people not like anti-jokes? A. They don't find the humor funny.

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Teddy- Last Thursday, A nice man named teddy was laid off at his local police department. Teddy was depressed, and mad at himself for his own failure. Teddy went to the library and found a book on Suicide. The librarian asked if he had his library card. He said yes, and presented it. The librarian scanned the card and checked out his book. Teddy went to his home and read a few chapters in his book, he found it useful. He then traveled to a firearms store and purchased a handgun. The clerk said that there was a sale on 40 count packages of the bullets he was buying. He said no thank you; I will only need one bullet. Teddy paid and went on his way home to find some peace. He did not find it………………… Because there was an annoying mocking bird outside his window. Teddy knew of this, and used his new weapon to shoot the bird. He only needed the one bullet because he was an ex-police officer, and had good aim. Teddy then used his new found knowledge on the topic of suicide, and wrote a remarkably well written article for a magazine he had interviewed for. Teddy knew that the prompt (suicide in the United States today) was very challenging, and he was compelled to hear how well he had done. The article landed him a new job as a writer for the magazine. On Friday, Teddy started his new job, and was delighted to learn that his new office was complete with a window that over looked the whole town. What a view, he remarked. He then threw himself out the eight story window, and landed on a homeless blind man. The homeless blind man had a coat full of newspapers to keep him warm in the winter time. And the padding suppressed the lethality of Teddy’s fall. He remarked how ironic it was that the homeless person‘s warm coat would never keep him warm again. Teddy laughed, and continued on with his fulfilling day until the police arrested him at 5:13 in the afternoon. He was a dashingly handsome toaster that supplied the town with lots of warm bread. So the police released him. And teddy and the Hooker lived happily ever after. Saturday, Teddy’s relationship with the hooker began falling apart. He was drinking now, and every now and then he came home a little too drunk. He beat and raped her………….. And nine months later they had a beautiful baby boy named Sam. They nurtured Sam till the ripe old age of 16. (Unfortunately, nurture for Teddy meant more rape and beating) For Sam’s 16th birthday, he was lead to the basement for a surprise party, where he was tripped into a wood chipper and ground into a fine pulp. Teddy added a blend of chili powder and sour cream. The hooker suggested that he should add some pickled jalapeño juice, but Teddy argued that it would be too spicy and ruin the chili. But the banana commented that he could add extra sour cream if the spice was to over whelming. Teddy trusted bananas, and added the pickled jalapeño juice. He then entered the chili in the local chili bowl competition and won second place. He was once again disappointed in his work, and went on a rampage killing all the bananas that ever betrayed him. Despite his good looks and practical use, Teddy had to face the continuances of his actions. He was discharged from his position at the local police department. Sunday, Damn, thought Teddy, the library’s closed on Sunday. The End

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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