Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead... Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first monkey... Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Because he thought it was a game...

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What happens when a man goes to college? He gets a degree and graduates most of the time or he fails miserably.

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Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's a free drink, you'll wake up in my basement.

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Why did the woman get into a car accident? She was blind.

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Officer i'm dot nrunk, beriously you gotta selieve me!

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pull my finger (farts)

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How do you find the richest man in Mexico? Go through government records and tax files and find the person with the highest salary

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No, Sarah. You know your hooks scratch the keys.

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How many raisins can you fit in a box? It depends on the size of the raisins and the box.

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Why does Obama not want to get buried? because he's still alive

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Your momma's so fat she has a hard time finding clothes to fit

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What's funny about anti-jokes? Nothing.

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Why does Magic Johnson have to use extra-large condoms? Because he's got a giant dick and HIV.

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Why didn't the 1 month old chicken cross the road? Because by that time it's already a Mcnugget.

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Roses are red,Violets are blue, Who the hell are you,Get the hell away

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Death by kayak

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What did the black man say when a blond walked into the bar? " Hi Molly"

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Why did you mom shop at Wal-Mart? She had a coupon

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Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

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Jesse uses a prescription shampoo called " greasey poop" because he feels like his hair doesnt look greasy enough. He cries himself asleep every night because he wants a slim body like the rest of the cool kids, so he eats his pain away, which digs him an even deeper hole. the life of Jesse zigenbein is quite tragic to say the least. Please donate 10$ to the "eat ourselves to sleep" campaign

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What do you call a white guy in a mostly black neighborhood? His name.

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'why the long face?'. The horse does not answer as it cannot speak or even understand english. It was later destroyed by the government.

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What's funny and old? I really do'nt know

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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