Good friends are like snowflakes. They disappear when you pee on them.

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What did the dog say to the Jewish Rabbi? Bark

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roses are red violets are blue some poems are good and some don't

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I wish there were a city named Sample. So that the sign can say "Urine Sample"

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I don't know why.

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Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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A blone walks into a bank in New York City and asks the bank teller for a $5000 loan because she's going to Mexico for 2 weeks. The bank teller said he would need some security for the money. The blonde tells him her new Rolls Royce is in the parking Lot and she hands him the keys. The blonde gets the money and goes on her trip. Another employee at the bank then parks the car in the underground parking garage. He later ffinds out the blonde is a multi millionaire. When the blonde arrives home from she pays back the $5000 and $15 interest. When the bank teller asks her why she gave them a $250000 car for security or needed the $5000 loan if she was a multi millionaire, the blonde answers, "Where else can you park your car in New York City and expect it to stillbe there when you return?"

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Why did the black man have a Lamborghini in his garage? Because he got good grades in school, was accepted into a nice college, and earned a medical degree, which he used to get himself a well-paying job in the medical field.

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Yo mama's so fat, that she died from obesity.

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A girl said to her boyfriend, "you take my breath away." The boy said, "that isn't possible" and they proceeded to have sex.

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What do you call a blind guy in a library? Kevin. Unless his name isn't Kevin.

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did you know helen keller had a dog? neither did she....

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How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But after she does this, se will probably have sex with another woman

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What do you put your key on? A key chain.

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Steve Jobs is alive.

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jack and jill went up the hill to get a bucket of water. jack fell down and broke his ankle and neck severely. jack and jill were taken away from their parents by child services, and their parents are charged for child endangerment and child labor.

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Why can't Vampires go out in the sunlight? Because they don't exist.

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why did nick kiss esther because he cheated

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What did the underaged man say when he walked in the bar? He asked for a Coke.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs on the doorstep? The Diabetes man

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Why did the old man fall down the stairs? Because he wanted to impress his wife.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Look through your peephole, you lazy bastard.

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The only positive thing in my life, is the HIV test! Lymmel

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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