while in iraq i bought a brand new iphone from the black market...it was only $250....its was doing fantastic until i got a text...i herd a loud beeping noise and the it exploded in my pocket and now i no longer have a penis.

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Why did the man throw the clock out the window? Because he saw his ex-girlfriend walking down the street so he was trying to kill her by hitting her in the head with the clock.

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blond are all stuck on an island 100 miles away from the nearest civilization with no resources. After 2 weeks, they decide that no one is going to save them and they have to swim for it. The brunette swims 25 miles and then gets eaten by sharks. The redhead swims 75 miles and then drowns. The blond swims 99 miles but got tired, so she swam back.

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A white man and a black man were walking down the street. The black borrowed the white man's phone to make a quick call when an incoming call came in. The black man, while trying to hand the phone back, says, "Here, it's your Dad." The white man replies, "No, that's my phone." Amazed at how uneducated the black man was.

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There was a golfer at the field where people usually golf. he had a golf club. so did the man next to him. The man i spoke of first hit the guy that was next to him with a golf club. Why? because he was angry at the man for shoving socks down his daughters throat and extracted her eyes with a melon scooper. This should not be humorous, the girl got blood and eye juice on her fathers new shoes when she came home.

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One day there was a princess born in the jungle. The story goes, that she'd be saved by a grand champion - a Hero. So the day came that she fell in love. After a few magical years, they broke up and she realized that fairy tales are for little girls.

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What's worse than getting pulled over by the police? getting pulled over and getting a bloody tampon stuck to your forehead.

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Son: "Mommy That Boy Over There Beat Me Up" Mom: Good I Like When You Suffer

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What is the Question to Life, the Universe, and Everything? 43 - 1 = ?

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A rabbi and a nun walk into a bar. They grab a drink and really hit it off despite their differences. After a couple years of happy dating, the rabbi, Mark, preposes. Gloria, the nun, gladly accepts. After four months, Gloria is pregnant. She dies in childbirth. The child has many illneses and dies within a week. Mark commits suicide.

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What do you call a black man that is on fire? A Man on Fire. The fact that he is black has no relevance in this situation.

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Why does the cow have spots? Because it was born that way

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what would happen if american army lost their air supprt ? lmao

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A:Whats the air speed velocity of a swallow? B:What an african or English swallow? A:Well I don't know that.

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my ilkshake brings all the boys in the yard. and the local health inspector's like , have you got a permit to be selling dairy beverages from a home based business?

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What's worse than a bee sting? The holocaust What's worse then the holocaust? Two bee stings

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Why did David Hasselhoff talk to his car? Because it was KIT from knight Rider and had voice recognition software and so could understand him

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What did one fetus say to they other fetus? Nothing they were aborted.

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How could Jamie not come out and play? His mum had cancer

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What did the pilot say to the female flight attendant? He told her to never tell his wife about the time they spent in mexico or he'd bludgeon her to death with a hammer.

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Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him and got better.

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Q: What's the upside to your otherwise miserable life? A: You only got raped twice last week.

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Why should you never attempt to rob Chuck Norris? Because he will beat you up as he knows self defense.

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"knock, knock" "who is there?" Gestapo

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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