Two peanuts were walking down the street I stepped on them both

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Q: What is the first thing you do if you wake up and meet the entire justice league(!!!) Which tells you that you are the "chosen one" and that only you can save the world once your true powers awaken? A: Increase your schizo medication.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, roses are red, violets are blue, roses are red, I have amnesia.

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An asian walks into class to take a math test. He did not study and consistently misbehaves and promptly fails.

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Reality is often boring. TV is often bad for you. Reality TV is boring AND bad for you.

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What do you calk a dirty mexican? a hard working gardener

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What did the apple say to the pear? ...Nothing they can't talk...

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what do you get when you cross ruddell with a chicken? still a prick

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I see London, I see France... I see a Map.

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One day a baby hit himself on the head with a stuffed animal. I lied, it was a brick, so he died.

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What did the korean say to the other korean. I don't know i dont speak korean.

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Ring around the rosy. A pocket full of posies. Ashes. Ashes. I just set a dead baby on fire.

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What do you get when you cross a sheep with a lion? A dead sheep.

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whats red and brown and goes about 30mph? a squirrel in a blender.

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Why did the black man steal the mountain bike? He didn't. He purchased and payed for the mountain bike.

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Why did the puppy get shot? It lived in Detroit.

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How do you define an unsatisfactory kitchen? It won't have a woman chained to the oven.

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What is big, grey, has 8 wheels, can fly, swim and walk. I dunno. Thats why I'm asking

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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why did suzie fall off the swing? because shes autistic and her mother likes to abuse her.

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Why doesn't the little boy talk to his mom? Because she smells like barbecue sauce.

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roses are red violets are red i smell my wife nows shes dead

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Knock knock. Who's there? Boo Boo who? I don't have a last name, it's just Boo

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops