Whats black and white and red all over? My wife, i constantly beat her and I should probably be arrested for it if she didnt love me so much

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's three times More dangerous than a war? Three wars

thumb_up thumb_down +7

knock knock who's there BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! who OPEN THE DOOR ITS THE POLICE

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats from Hattersley? Someone who lives in Hattersley.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Life is confusing. Really how so? He just walked up to me five minutes ago with a pair of socks taped on both sides of his face saying humanity is screwed and ran off after peeing on my carpet.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A banker makes some poor economic investments with other people's money. turns out the people can never get the money back. the banker walks away like nothing happened. the government does nothing to prosecute the man. Somewhere in there his wife leaves him.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A lion, a leopard, a sheep, and a flesh eating New Zealand parrot stalk, trot and fly, respectively, into a bar. The parrot lands on the the sheep's back and begins to tear into its flesh in order to reach the succulent deposits of fatty tissue located around the sheep's kidneys. "Ouch!" Said the sheep. "Why would you do that? Oh, the pain! The pain!" "Squak!", Replied the NZ parrot, wiping blood of its sharp, hooked beak on the counter. "I think," Began the lion, "This parrot from New Zealand is hungry for fat from a sheep's soft, woolly back." The sheep's wool was now damp with blood. "Perhaps this parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from its soft woolly back." "Ah!" Said the sheep. "This parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from my soft woolly back!" "Yes", Replied the lion. "You could also say..." Started the sheep, "That an NZ parro-" The sheep did not finish his sentence. He died from his wounds. The lion left. The parrot flew off to tear up some windshield wipers. And the leopard stashed the sheep carcass in a tree branch for later consumption.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did Dave tell me on Tuesday? "It's Wednesday, dumbass."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's the difference between a dead black man in the road, and a dead dog in the road? One is a human being that probably leaves behind family and friends that will miss his absence. The other is an animal that will also be missed, but to a lesser degree since dogs don't form a bond with people other than the family it shared its life with. In either of the two cases, if I witnessed the accident that caused the death, I would promptly notify the authorities so as to make sure that the driver of the vehicle that hit them would be subjected to a breathalyzer test.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was the little boy sad? Both of his parents died in a tragic car accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did Jamaal say when he was in Walmart? I'm Jamaal and I'm in Walmart.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock knock Whos there A dead boy a dead boy who A dead boy who started tobuy drugs and didn't have the money for it and his family loved him and he was going to go to college

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is purple pink and goes over 10000 miles per hour. Barnney in a tornado

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You're adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the muslim do at the airport? He bought a ticket to New York and proceeded to fly there to mourn his brother who was killed during the terrorist attacks on 9/11.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What happened when the boy stood up? He had all his limbs hacked off and soon after died.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the dog say to the mailman? Woof.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A Muslim man gets onto a transatlantic airliner. All the other passengers are privately nervous, but no one mentions it.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Yo mama so old when I slapped her on the back her tits fell off.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb Wanna go ride bikes?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the orphan do on his birthday? He burned down his orphanage, he hated the place because he was severly abused.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands, when they first came out. Well, I say bought. I actually stole it from a short, fat ginger kid.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If a banana is a vegetable, how come your mother gets confused when I stick pretzels in my butthole?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

whats a funny joke? nuthing nuthing at all

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops