Q: humpty dumpty sat on a wall A: yeah right

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what did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware river? Get in the boat.

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Q- what's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? A- you take of your shoes to jump on a trampoline

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Phew... it's gone.

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What's worse than breaking your arm? Not having any arms.

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Why did Daniel Nitz cross the road during rush hour? Because he's an idiot.

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The opposing forces behind all human beings is not light vs darkness, not good vs evil, but fear vs ' love. Whatever is overwhelmingly good for one person, is evil to many. Overwhelming darkness wont allow you to see. Overwhelming light will make you blind. You can never fear overwhelming love. You can never love overwhelming fear. These are the true polar opposites, part of all emotion that drive the human being.

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What has 389,236,587 arms, has rainbow colored fur, and fornicates on your front lawn? Absolutely nothing. That's pretty much physically impossible.

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Why didn't the Mexican have a job? Because stereotypes made employers unjustly reluctant to hire a hard-working, competent man.

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Q: Why didn't i save my work? A: Because i didn't do any work?

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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Why did the chicken cross the road It was being dragged to the other side by fox It's the way of life _._._

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david give me my money back... i will have it next week

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Why is the blonde so upset? Her mother is dying from cancer.

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Why cant African children read? While there are many contributing factors the largest would probably be the lack of a standardized education system mainly due to the logistical factors involved in reaching so many wide spread communities. Also the current economic climate and general disregard for civilians by the governments in these area would suggest that the states' focus would be on other issues besides the welfare of their citizens, this is probably similar to other countries in similar situations such as middle eastern, eastern european, and latin and south america. Then again, not really being educated on this issue in almost any way, has probably contributed to a broad generalization, and so the premise of this joke is most likely flawed in any case.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You set the alarm for a reasonable time. - Louis

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What's black and white and red all over? The Nazi Flag in WW II

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How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By pulling human entrails out of her purse when he asks her to provide insurance.

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Roses are red violets are blue ice-cream is yummy can I eat you

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What does a black man do when drives up to a STOP sign? Stops.

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Why did the black man fall down? A guy pushed him.

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WHART++EWEEEEEEEP FLARPEN CARPEN FLARP

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Sally heard a scream in a dark room and went to go see who it was. Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Sally...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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