What do you call a person driving a plane? Not a pilot, they fly planes.

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What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? This year I'm going to win the golden brief case!

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How do you get children to behave? Chop them up.

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? John Smith.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

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What did the surgeon say to the patient? Nothing. The patient died on the table.

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Are tomatoes more scary than onions? No. They are not more scary than onions.

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Why did Little Timmy eat Smarties before school? Because he was hungry.

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Why was timmy live on the streets? His parents didnt have the money to abort him!! HaHa

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What happens when you put four drunk clowns and eight sober clowns inside of a clown car? Nothing, because the clowns realized that it's dangerous to operate a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol and decides to call a taxi instead.

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knock, knock! who's there? i don't know i don't know who niether do i...

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Why is minecraft so awesome? Because real life is boring as crap.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I got a brother. He's bigger then you.

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Q: Why did the man cross the road? A: Cause he felt like it.

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Q:Why did the dwarf shout abuse at the bus driver? A: He had anger issues, and the price of the ticket was quite unreasonable.

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The boy asks his dad if he can make him a sandwitch The dad reply's " no thats your moms job"

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Why can't you tell jokes in Base 8? Because 7, 10, 11

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You:Knock knock friend:who's there you:come in friend come on who you:come in your mother

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-Why did Sally fall off the swing? Why? -She had no arms. -Knock, knock. Who's there? -Not Sally.

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What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Whatever her name is.

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because dinosaurs died out 65.5 million years ago.

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How do you drown a blonde. I recommend that you do not drown a blonde because it is a felony. You could face 30-35 years in prison.

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I found a lump on my right testicle. So, as a precaution I went to my local hospital to have myself checked out. Thankfully, it wasn't accute testicular cancer. Instead I only had to suffer for a few months, but it's getting better now. Sadly, I won't be able to have children and now my semen has a somewhat unsavoury flavour. Thanks for asking.

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Half empty = half full Therefore Half (empty) = half (full) empty= full Half empty

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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