Q. What do you call a black pilot A. A pilot

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The early bird gets the worm, but the angry bird gets the pig.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This font is black You smell like shit

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I have read and agreed to the terms of service

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What's the difference between a Jew and an apple? One of them is a fruit, and the other is not.

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Why did the old man fall down the stairs and died? Because he had a stroke and never got life alert!

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A class of kids were bouncing basketballs in class and a woman teacher comes in and says,"No balls in the classroom please." All the boys leave the class.

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Roses are red..... violets are blue...... I have a gun get in the van

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A man falls off a building and dies on Impact

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An itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout Down came my dick, and forced the spider out

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Yeah your point? Anyway, so then the brain surgeon goes: I have have cut into thousands of brains, and never seen a single thought.

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Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

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Why are friends like trees? If you hack at them repeatedly with an axe, they fall over.

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A woman is hit by a car. Thankfully she manages to survive, but the driver is fined a lot of money for speeding.

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How do you drown a blonde? Weigh her down and throw her into a body of water.

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Ammy Winehouse walks into a bar Don't you said we should stop jocking about dead people ?

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What happened when the blackman saw the white man. they both said hello

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? no... Well, It's really nice. :)

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Why did the jew cross the road Because he was being cornered by 10 nazis that had automatic guns

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? -death -kidney failure -gall stones -getting in an automobile accident -getting struck by lightning -getting sodomized -embezzlement -deception -HIV/AIDS -illness of any nature -world hunger -the holocaust -Zimbabwe's economy -getting hit by a train -getting hit by a bus -the hives -getting bit by an alligator -head injuries -being arrested -childhood obesity -sexual predators -highly impoverished areas -losing a finger -getting hit with a bat -corruption -general rudeness -being lost in the woods -contracting a sexually transmitted virus -teen pregnancy -murder -rape -robbery -going blind -losing a child -falling down a well -bestiality -identity fraud -massacres -racism -genocide -mental disabilities in children -bullying -food poisoning -stepping on a nail -eugenics -the mass murder, rape, and theft of the land from the Native people of America -forced assimilation -slavery -brain deteriorating illness -matricide -prostitution - accidentally repeating yourself -prostitution -domestic violence -animal cruelty -pollution -deforestation -global warming -losing your life savings -still birth -oppressive leaders -physical conflicts -world wars and other military conflict -the situation in Rwanda -Inequality in treatment of women in middle eastern countries -auto theft -tax evasion -terrorism -being diagnosed with cancer -clinical depression -prostitution -finding two worms in your apple

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Man walks into an apple store. Shortly after he leaves with a fully charged phone.

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What headphones does the farmer use? He is going through a financial struggle at the moment and cannot afford such a luxury.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Goodbye to the people who hated on me

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Robert Muldoon: "Clever girl..." Velociraptor: "I appreciate your compliment, but I will still eat your face."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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