George Washington delivered a short speech to his troops before they crossed the delaware river. Here it is: "Get in the boat."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A jewish man walks into a bar has a drink, then walks out of the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you make a tree angry Overall trees have no sense of emotion therefore it is impossible to anger a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Justin's life

thumb_up thumb_down +11

One man asked another man what his favorite sport was. The man replied: " My favorite sport is golf." "Golf requires no physical strength, therefore I do not count it as a sport." Said the man who asked the question.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Great ideas: Go to your facebook account and type in: Man, I am gonna suicide right now, bye! Moral: Now if you do it as well, nah, dont do it, seriously... Just type it!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whats faster than a black guy with a tv? His brother who is a dentist and drives a fast sports car.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A bloke walks into a bar. He doesn't say 'ouch' because it was a public house and not a hard surfaced object as you may have thought initially

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Wanna hear a race joke?.....whoops, ya missed it

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar They are friends and continue to have a pleasant evening

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock Knock.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Well, that's going to be some horrible lemonade if life doesn't also give you water and sugar.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Thanks superman! Oh this is just what a regular Clark Kent would do... Uh... I mean... Dont worry Superman I know you arent Clark Kent, I just wonder why you work for him all day... Moral: What? What moral? What what?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

whaT DID HEVEN SAY TO THE FRIDGE hAVE YOU GOT A COLD

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's red and a cow? Red cow

thumb_up thumb_down +11

For every person with a broken heart, there is another person out there with a stapler <3 And that person really needs to staple their math papers together so they can turn them in.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the teenager drink a beer? Because it was actually full of sizzurp

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the cow say to the Businessman? Nothing. Cows cant talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why was Sally in a wheelchair? Her abusive father beat her repeatedly with a rake.. Then as she crawled out the door to try and get help, the abusive father took his Dodge Ram and ran over her legs reapeatedly. Then began to slap her. Luckily, a vigilante saw the whole thing and slaughtered the father with an axe and carefully escorted Sally to the hospital. After a couple of weeks of beautiful and extraordinary care, Sally made a full recovery and was able to leave.. and all patients have to leave in a wheelchair

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q. Why did the boy fall off the swing? A. He had no arms or legs. Q. What did he get for Christmas? A. A drumset Q. Knock Knock Who's there Not him

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the asian lady buy the large shirt instead of the medium? Because the medium didn't fit

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man walks into a bar after a hard day of work, and he meets this girl and they really kick it off, so the girl says, "lets go somewhere more, private" and they both go to a more secluded bar that has less decibels of noise.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

#Last Christmas I gave you my heart #And as far as I know #The transplant was a complete sucess #And you have recovered from your operation #And are now well again #This year to save me from tears #I'll donate my kidneys

thumb_up thumb_down +11

So you are "The Nero" are you not? How ironic... ...I got nothing on you, let me ask you however, why did you quit the underground society? What changed your lifestyle so much? I mean I accept that you did not do it out of fear or cowardice, but why did you leave it up to the rest of us to try to hold together the last remains of freedom and social information? What? To use your techniques in order to entrance people into buying your books? How is that so different? I am not saying that I consider your methods lesser, because nobody here does, but if you can explain how this makes you better, I would appreciate it, I am certain that most people would.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops