A police officer walks into a bar. He uses the ATM and withdraws 20 dollars. After greeting the bartender he leaves the establishment and proceeds to go on duty. The cop was really friendly.

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Q:What did the turtle say to the jaguar? A: Well, a turtle and a jaguar live in totally different habitats, turtles live in water while jaguars live in grasslands, so it would be unlikely for them to cross paths and communicate. Turtles and jaguars are unable to speak and, if a jaguar were to talk to a turtle, the turtle would be unable to make out words because turtles can only pick up vibrations. And, they would have nothing to talk about.

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nathan your cats dead now...well hopefully

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Did you hear the one about the Mexican that went to college? All his life, Juan wanted to get a decent education, but was unable to due to his family's low income. So Juan worked hard all his life, and got a part-time job. He made a little cash here, a little there. He also studied vigorously, getting a 33 on his ACT. All that work eventually paid off, and Juan was eventually accepted at Princeton University. Juan is now a highly paid Neurological surgeon, and has saved countless lives

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Q: What did Batman say to Robin right before they got in the b\Batmobile? A: "Robin, get in the Batmobile."

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Pete and Repeat are sitting on a bridge, Pete fell off and Repeat still hasn't been able to forgive himself for pressuring Pete to join him on such a perilous perch.

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A man recently set the world record for jumping into a foot of water from 50 feet high. Luckily, this made the clean-up rather simple.

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A russian, a jew, and a black guy are walking down the street. The midget trips and knocks into the jew who in turn knocks into the black guy. It turns out that they all know each other from high school. They ended up going out for lunch and drinks and it actually turned into a great day.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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i was quite upset when my girlfriend called me a peodifile, what does she know, shes only 6.

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Why did the student have a staring contest with his teacher? Well, the teacher was actually unaware of the competition.

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What's worse than a pile of dead babies? Two piles of dead babies.

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what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? wheres my tractor! why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. why did the farmer cross the road? To get his chicken. Why didnt the farmer make it to the other side? He was hit by his tractor.

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What did the frog say to the goat? Nothing frogs can't talk.

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Why did the man go to Jupiter? Because he was on a mission for N.A.S.A.

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why did the chicken cross the road? it didn't it got hit by a bus.

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DONT think about ELEPHANTS. Your thinking about elephants now.

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You should read the Terms of Service.

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Why did the baby die? Because he was shot in the head repeatedly

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How many blonde chicks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to set the house on fire, and the other to call 119.

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Abe Lincholn had a son, But he died

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw 'em.

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what is black and is a really bad neighbor. your bad neighbor wearing a black shirt.

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Why did the jews get off the bus? Because i threw a fridge at it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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