A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but it nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.

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Why did the child with one arm shave his head? He is a swimmer.

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Roeses Are Red Violets Are Blue He's The One For Me And Not For You, And If You Try To Take My Place I Will Take My Fist And Smash Your Face(:

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A man wearing a 'What Would Jesus Do' bracelet and a livestrong bracelet goes up to a blind kid and rubs his eyes and the kid can see. The kid was was not used to the bright lights and wandered into traffic, was hit by a car and killed instantly.

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In Soviet Russia, the political system was very different than it is today.

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What's more painful than having your girlfriend cheat on you and leave you? Having your **** bitten off slowly.

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I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

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What do you call a growing family of micro-organisms? Cancer

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There's a mexican and african american in a car. Who's driving? A cop.

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There's a black guy in a house. What's he doing there? He owns it.

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A:Knock Knock B:It's open

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What's the first thing that goes through a persons mind when they get shot in the head. The bullet.

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Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses the best ingredients.

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what is the difference between the number 2 and the number 5 3

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What's long, hard and full of semen? A penis

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your friend: i did ur mom you: jokes on u my moms gross friend:.....

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Is this the Krusty Crab? Yes.

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Is your refrigerator running? If so, you are on drugs, and should see help.

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Nothing exceedingly odd happened at a bar

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Q how do you feel? A with a series of nerve endings, that send signals to my brain

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Why was the giant scorpion sad? Because the Holocaust killed his entire family.

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LOL we are spamming this site too much!

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What's black, white, and red all over? A dead panda.

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A man walks into a grab and go restaurant and asks the man if he can stay, the man replies "yes."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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