- Anti Joke

Simon says.. Nothing because he's deaf.

What did the Frenchman say to the Englishman? I don't know, I don't speak French.

Can a man reproduce with only one testicle? No because girls don't dig that sh*t

A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" The man responds "I'd like to hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance covered everything." The man hangs his head and tears up as he asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor heads for the door as he answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you're being denied coverage. None of your future treatments or appointments will be paid for." The man snaps his fingers and says "Damn! I should've voted Democrat!"

How do you get santa to stop delivering presents? Kill your parents.

A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?" Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning." So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed. The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again." So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see." To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

A thought for the day: Life is like a game of chess. In the constant struggle for power, control and safe positions it makes no difference whether one plays white or black. As long as everything is planned and one stays a few moves ahead, everything will work out. Just don't annoy the queen, or she may send some very irate knights to fork you or a bishop to flank you. [L]

Why did the male propagate the female? Because he was drugged. Slyly, this foxy female had slipped the male the date rape drug and a dangerous amount of viagra. During intercourse, the male ripped a gaping hole in the female's stomach and killed her. He woke up confused inside a dead stinking corpse.

Why couldn't the bunny hop? Because it lost both it's legs

A man walks into a bar and orders a water. He then drinks his water and leaves. The following day he returns to the bar and again orders a water. He repeats this for many days until finally one day the bartender asks him why he comes every day to just drink water. The man replies, "Water is free. I got laid off from my job last week. Rough economy, you know." The bartender starts charging him for water, and the man becomes homeless.

What do you get when you cross a rock and a paper bag? A rock inside of a paper bag.

Why did suzy get in the car? She wanted to go somewhere.

You're American when you enter the the bathroom and you're American when you exit the bathroom. What are you while you're inside the bathroom? Using the bathroom.

A: Knock Knock.. B: Who's there? A: John B: John Who? A: Shut the hell up, i'm masturbating.

Guest what? Dog

A car with four Mexicans drives off of a cliff. What's the bad news? They were my friends.

Mary had a little lamb... The doctor fainted

Roses are red Violets are blue The sky is also blue

What happens when you forget your parachute as you jump out of a plane? You wake up.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Eating the worm

Why do people waste time reading these jokes. Because they like anti jokes.

Your Momma is sooooo poor, she struggles day by day to feed you and your 8 siblings while keeping a roof over your head.

A deaf man walks into a bar. Someone yells, "FIRE!" and everyone evacuates. The deaf man does not hear him and dies horribly.

A young cow died of terminal cancer; he said moo before he died

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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