Did I say twenty times? I meant two hundred, you already know this I gather, but your subconcious understands mathmatics and multiplications at a whole different level because its potential is indefinite.

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Malcom: Knock Knock. Jessica: Who's there? Malcom: It's Malcom. Jessica: Okay. Come in.

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A man walked into a room and said to his friend, "I am about to show you something amazing." He claps twice and the lights turn on. He is using a device called The Clapper made by Joseph Enterprises, Inc. using advanced technology that was patented in 1985.

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Me: Hey mom Mom: Hey Son Me: Whats? for dinner? Mom: I dont know

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What did the dog say to his own poop? You gonna eat that?

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Q: How could the black man afford to buy a TV? A: He had a well-paying job and a supporting family.

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Turkey Balls

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Knock knock. Why do you say the words "knock knock" without actually knocking on the door?

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how did the man jump over the mountain? it was a small mountain and he had a trampoline

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Q: Whats the difference between a mexican and a bench. A: A bench is an object and a mexican is a human being.

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An eagle and a mouse sat on a tree branch, watching a farmer walk to the pasture to milk his cows. The eagle then turned to the mouse but said nothing, because eagles cannot speak. The eagle then ate the mouse because it was a bird of prey.

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Why did the Soviet plane crash? It was joseph Stallin in the air.

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"Bitches are fake, talk shit get hit!". False, female dogs cannot speak in the tongues of humans, and if they could I am sure excrement would not come from their mouths.

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what do you call an old man missing a toe? a diabetic.

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How do u kill a horse? U stab it with a huge butcher knife

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What colour are blackberries? Purple.

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how do you save a baby from drowning? Take your foot off the back of its head.

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A Jewish man walkes into grocery store. He buys some groceries, and leaves.

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Q: A policeman is working past a room. The window is too high to see in. The person hears "no John, don't", and then a gunshot. He rushes inside and sees a dead body on the floor with a gun beside him. Also in the room are a doctor, a lawyer and a priest. Without asking any questions, he immediately arrests the priest. Why? A: Because the priest is the only male in the room.

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What is blue and has wheels? Grass- I lied about the colour and the wheels.

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quinn knows four other quinns but he ruined my life so he tells me to stop because im ruining this website but i disagree and now he is trying to tell me a joke and im not listening he is still trying but i don't care because i hate him,

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How do you stop a car from crashing into a wall? -You can't, you are welcome to try, but please don't.

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Oh, go away

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Kevin: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Bob: Because it's extinct? Kevin: No you idiot! The P is silent! Pterodactyl: RAARRGHH! (eats Bob)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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