- Anti Joke

What do you call an underground train full of professors? It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

The man decides to jump off the bridge and decides to make one last phone call. "Hello, Jane, this is Doug. I just wanted to let you know, from the bottom of my heart, that I love you." Person on the phone says "This is not Jane, this is Joe." "Oh, hi, Joe. Could you just tell your wife what I said. Bye." The man continues to jump down the bridge and swims with his beautiful girlfriend. They all had a great day.

What do you call a book of notes? A notebook.

What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

Why did the boy fall off the purple cliff? Because someone cut of his legs and arms and threw him off.

Where is the best place to hold a bridal shower? The Kitchen

What's good about having alzheimers? You meet new people every day!

Q: Why did the kid drop his icecream cone? A: Because he couldn't hold it he lost his arms in a car accident.

Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews undergo metabolism, maintain homeostasis, possess a capacity to grow, respond to stimuli, reproduce and, through natural selection, adapt to their environment in successive generations. More complex living organisms can communicate through various means.[1][5] A diverse array of living organisms (life forms) can be found in the biosphere on Earth, and the properties common to these organisms—plants, animals, fungi, protists, archaea, and bacteria—are a carbon- and water-based cellular form with complex organization and heritable genetic information. Pizza does not.

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it better be there!!" The next morning he got up early and told his wife to come to the driveway. He quickly pulled out a .44 Magnum and murdered her violently. The marriage had been a nightmare ever since they lost their unborn child, and the situation pushed Bob to a place, where he could no longer look at his wife.

Wanna hear a joke? What? Life.

So a baby seal walks into a club

Whats worse than biting into your apple and finding a worm? Getting raped by a giant monkey

What's the difference between a duck? One leg is both the same

What happened to the boy who tried to cross the road? He got hit by a semi-truck and died.

Person 1: Happy Halloween! Person 2: Hey, I'm Jewish

jack and jill went up the hill to have a little fun. that dumb ass jill forgot the pill and now they have a son

Why was the man sent to the hospital? He got crushed by a flying refrigerator.

Why couldn't the drunken man walk in a straight line? Because someone shot him in the face.

knock knock. who's there? no one. no one who? no one who?

What do you call a person who hammers a nail into his forehead? A dumbass.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Shit on her face

What super hero did they choose to be on the Blue Jays' team? Batman!

What's funnier than shooting a moose? The realization that the moose was Sarah Jessica Parker...

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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