What starts with an 's' and ends with a 'hit'? Shortly after the war, 4 men went to celebrate at the local bar. They all had a grand time there, when a man in black walked into the bar. The man in black knocks once on the bar. "What do you want?" asked the bartender. The man in black didn't respond. This time, the bartender asked again, only louder. The man in black then turned to his right to face the 4 other men celebrating. The man in black then suddenly pulled out a pistol, and shot the 4th man. He then burst into a sprint and ran out of the bar. "He's hit," the 3rd man shouted, "he's hit!"

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A man jumped off a 30 story building. What did he learn? Nothing. He died instatly when he hit the ground.

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Q. What's the difference between a Mcdonalds employee and a gynecologist? A. They have different jobs.

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A man walks into the bar and asks the bartender, "Are you smelling me right now?"

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What is Helen Keller's favorite color? Velcro

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Why'd the black man smell awful... Because he hadn't showered in multiple days

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Whats invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts

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Q. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A. Because he got shot. Q. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A. Because he was stapled to the first monkey.

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What's worse than getting a paper cut? Getting shot in the face.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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What did the plane say to the other plane? Boy, those towers fall!

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Why didn't the blond cry at her child's funeral? She died, too. It was a terrible accident.

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what types of people have big noses? people whose parents both carried the recesive gene.

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I hope your not allergic to bees Because your about to be attacked by a live tiger.

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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You know your in Houston when... The highway sign says so.

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How do you put a bananna in a mini-van? Walk up to the mini-van and stick it in the backseat.

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A: What did the orphan get for christmas? Q: Nothing she doesn't have any parents

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Q: What do you get if you combine a melody, instrumentation, rhythm, and vocals? A: Um, music, you idiot.

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What has three legs and herpes? A male prostitute.

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what do u call a lesbian with long hair? a long haired lesbian.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swings? Because at the climax point in the swing, gravity is making a much larger affect on you because you are pulling farther away from the earth as well as positioning your body in a way where it is awkward and unstable to support your body, which greatly increases the chance of you falling off and landing on the ground.

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How do you rescue a fat girl that's stuck under a car? With a pickaxe and a donkey.

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Wanna know how to confuse a blonde? No. I wanna know which way you would prefer to die.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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