An owl and a squirrel watch a farmer walk by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls are not capable of human speech. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, most chickens are held on farms, but those that do roam free are afraid of automobiles so therefore they wouldn't go near a road at all. But if the chicken was located in a deserted town there would be no traffic, so then it would be able to cross freely over any road there and not get injured or mortally wounded.

why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? he got hit by a bus why was the little girl happy? because she found an icecream cone

What do u call a banana? A banana......

Q: What were Peter's emotions after he bought his $2 million house? A: None, in fact he has no home, family and anyone to help him. his leg is pinned down by a large piece of metal that fell on him while looking for food to eat at a construction site, expect him to die of bleeding in the next 24 hours.

How did the polack burn his hands on the stove? He placed his hands on the hot stove top burners not realizing they were hot.

What did Valerie get for her birthday? Nothing. Because no one loves her

What do you get when you cross drugs with a bathtub? Whitney Houston's worst nightmare

I created darkness. God created the stars. God created the bee. I created the wasp. God created the child. I banged your mother. Moral: Soon my wings of darkness shall destroy your very own star, these words seem empty now, so I will fill them with true meaning and purpose as I will give the same to you the day the sky brightens no more.

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What did the tree say to the other tree?....nothing cause trees can't talk!

"Knock Knock" "Whos there?" "Interrupting kid with ADHD" *I did not respond, as I knew he would interrupt me before I was able to finish the sentence.*

What's similar about a mole and an eagle? They both are blind and dig through the ground. Except the eagle.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those that finish their sentences

Dan walked into a jelly fish

q ggggggggggggggggg

Knock knock, Who's there? Banana Banana who? Banana Smith, I'm here for the Smith Family Reunion.

Roses are blue, Violets are red, Wait, what? huh

On the next line im going to write a joke: George W. Bush

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is dead, and thereby lacks the necessary motor control.

Have you ever seen that really famous blind man's house? Neither has he.

Why isn't eating an Olympic sport? Because that wouldn't make any sense.

Have you tried Ethiopian food? -no -well it's really good

What happens when a guy walk into a school and shoots kids? Oh sorry, to soon?