Why do you not play poker with a cheetah. 1. Animals can't play card games. 2. Cheetahs are carnivores. Think about it.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what do you call a fat black cat and a skinny white dog? Just two animals that are judged.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

There is a middle-eastern man in customs with a turban and a briefcase and he is profiled by his race which is a sad fact of our society.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Here's another:

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I think everybody ought to have a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Yo mama is so skinny, when she sits around the house, she sits comfortably in every chair. - Stephen Colbert

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's red and smells like blood? Blood.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock Knock Who's there? Pussy... Do you get it? Think about what you just answered.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q. Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? A. Because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What walks on four in the morning, three at noon, and two at night? A baby with leprosy.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did Tiger look in the toilet? It doesn't matter, he didn't find anything.

thumb_up thumb_down

You know what makes me smile? Face muscles

thumb_up thumb_down

Gun Control

thumb_up thumb_down

My mom always said it was fun to jump into a pile of leaves... That was before she was devoured by a 10 ft. scorpion.

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a black man who has become a millionare? A financhaly successful buisnessman who worked hard to be where he is today.

thumb_up thumb_down

What starts with a 's' and ends in 'ex'? Sex -XH

thumb_up thumb_down

A Dog walks into a bar to order a drink. The bar patrons are at first amused and overjoyed to share their night with a playful pet, until they see that his mouth is foaming and he's already started trying to eat the nearest child. Screams erupt as the bartender calls 911. The dog manages to injure two patrons before he is tazed by the police and taken to be put down. One of the men injured has to have his arm amputated, which is unfortunate for his new career as a heart surgeon. The hospital informs him that they have no choice but to force him to resign, after they hand him his lengthy medical bill. He ends up losing his apartment, and his fiance leaves him for someone more stable financially. The man then drinks himself to death, after attacking and killing a local dog with his one remaining hand. The dog belonged to a new family on the block, whose son had terminal cancer. Due to the cancer, the boy had trouble making friends in a new area, and the dog (Sonny) was his one source of companionship and, by extension, hope. The boy is later admitted to the hospital for breathing problems, and after a 4-hour surgery, is pronounced dead. His attending physician was quoted as saying "He was so close to beating back the infection, but all of a sudden it seemed like he just... gave up." I mean, how was a dog supposed to order a drink in the first place, am I right?

thumb_up thumb_down

Marilyn Manson was walking to church.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: Where can you find a cat with no arms and no legs? A: Right where you left him Q: Where can you find a dog with no arms and no legs? A: In a bun

thumb_up thumb_down

well it rained all night the day i left, the weather it was dry, i can't remember the words but susana don't you cry oh susana don't you cry for me for i come from alabama with a banjo on my knee oh

thumb_up thumb_down

What's the difference between you and a cat? The cats mom isn't a whore.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he f**king felt like it!

thumb_up thumb_down

wanna no wats not funny........ aids

thumb_up thumb_down

What's big and red and if it falls out of a tree and can kill you - a fire truck

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops