Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some dreams stay dreams, But some dreams come true. Some want to be god, They want to have made us. But I want to be an astronaught, So I can explore Uranus.

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What do you call a dolphin that drives a Mercedes Benz? Nothing. Dolphins can't drive.

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The joke below is absolute shit.

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What's red and smells like paint? Red paint.

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Pinus Testicles

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-Hey I know something funnier than 24, ---What? -25! Hey I know something funnier than 25. ---What? -The Holocaust!

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Where does Osama bin Laden do his shopping? He doesn't, he's dead.

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Your momma's eyesight is so weak she needs a pair of glasses to see properly

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Fine, Nero7 made sure I got to a safe place at least. My code is "Eliza", that is all, please provide me with whatever information you can regarding what happened, and while I read you are not shy of graphical detail, I ask that you keep it lightly, Nero7 meant much to me, please. -"Veronica.

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knock knock piss off

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How do you make a sandwich? You don't, you have a girl do it for you.

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I'm a champion. I do what I want.

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Q: what did the man with a broken jaw say? A: nnamkkiuuiriwojjkmgfmls!!!!

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Why was Sally crying? Because she had a frog stapled to her face.

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Once upon a time, I was a Muslim.

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Why was Steve hungry? Because the last time he ate was yesterday.

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You know what's funny? Clowns.

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Chuck Norris didn't count to infinite twice. He can't even do it once.

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What does the alien say to the man? Nothing, because it is highly unlikely that an alien would ever land on Earth, and even more unlikely that they would speak the same language of us. On top of that, aliens would not know anything about our species, and would probably hide from us due to being frightened and eventually flee back to their home planet where we would never see them again because our techonology is not advanced enough and the chances that we would find their planet which is somewhere among the billions of planets in the universe, are slim.

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Me: Why are red onions actually purple..? Dad: I don't know Sister: *sarcastic* Well, Why is it rainy in London? Me: ....Because that's the weather pattern.

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Man 1:Doctor Doctor, I've got 59 seconds to live! Man 2: This is a chemist

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Why do girls wear perfume? Because they smell and they're ugly

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Not doing your Webtime on a Friday!!

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Your mom is soooo fat..... She'll most likely suffer a heart attack

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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