100% of smokers die 100% of people die I am tied to a tree

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Why could the girl climb out of the pool? She drowned

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Q. How do you kill a fish A. You don't have to BP already did

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Q: I have 2 dogs. Why? A: I like dogs

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house red. Babies, especially dead ones cannot paint.

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What do you call the black president? Mr.President

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What's the same between a plum and a rabbit? They are both purple, except for the rabbit.

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What do you call a black man who is poor, homeless, and HIV positive? Unlucky.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

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myspace

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the sloth fall out of the tree? Because it was holding hands with the monkey. Why were the monkey and the sloth holding hands? Because they were best friends.

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I hate when Harry Potter showers in my Potatoes....

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What kind of blue is not heavy? Light blue.

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What do you call an indian who is underwater? A scuba diver.

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Why do you always loose your keys at monster truck rally's? Most likely because they fell out during all the excitement of jumping up and down, but the real reason is because they are afraid of monster cars.

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Miranda Lorenz is a WHORE!!! She has slept with three guys while in a relationship!! then when he broke up with her for cheating on him, she keyed his car!! Psycho Bitch!!!

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Two generals went for a trip, it went very well in general.

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knock knock zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz knock knock zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz knock kock ding dong ding di-ding dong zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz sigh weeeeeeeeeewooooooooooooooooo zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz hey yo wake up zzz-oh-huh-what-whos there i've been yelling for like five minutes oh sorry jim will you let me in already all right

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What do you call a man who has committed more than 10 crimes? Whatever his name happens to be.

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Whats worse than being arrested for a crime you didn't commit? Teenage pregnancy.

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Can Helen Keller keep a secret? No, she didn't hear it in the first place

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Nickelback

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Two Atheists walk into a bar. A nearby Christian notices this fact and proceeds to slightly preach to both of the Atheists. They then kindly explain that they don't personally believe in God, but respect the Christian's opinion. They all order drinks, and become very close friends, engaging in a long, hateless conversation.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have a gun, get in the van!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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