Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Mike lost his arms in a car accident. Knock knock Who's there? Not Mike.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did the man on the moon say? ...Im on the moon.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

"Knock-knock." "Come in, sorry that the doorbell is broken."

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's big fat and hairy? Peter

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the man kill his friend? How am I supposed to know

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the long term smoker suddenly stop smoking? Because he had a heart attack.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did Tim fall out of the window? Well... he didn't exactly fall... I pushed him

thumb_up thumb_down +16

why did so many people die in the typhoon in the Philippines because they had to finish there math homework

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the Nun refude to say Thank You Father? Because she was raped by her father as a child.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What kind of mother doesn't do laundry? A dead one.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's worse than having to watch your dad rape your mom? Having to watch your mom rape your dad.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's the difference between a chicken? One leg is both the same

thumb_up thumb_down +14

-It ain't over till the fat lady sings -she just did -oh, I guess it's over then -k

thumb_up thumb_down +14

GOODBYE

thumb_up thumb_down +14

There was an apartment. At the bottom level lived a white family, The 2nd level, there was a mexican family, and the 3rd level, there was a Black family. Someone blew up the apartment with a bomb, WHO SURVIVED? The white family, because the parent were at work and the kids were at school.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why cant Stevie Wonder see his friends? Because he is married.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why wouldn't Rose let go of Jack? Freddie told her that he was just a poor boy and nobody loves him.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the difference between Timmy and a car? Timmy can be brutally murdered.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

knock knock whos there? aids aids who? aids aids who? i dont go away

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's black and white and red all over and can't turn around in an elevator? A nun with a spear through her back

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do Kobe Bryant and a toaster have in common? They both rape white women. Except for the toaster.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: Why did Katie fall off the swing? A: She had no arms. Knock, Knock Who's There? Not Katie.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops