Why can't the blonde dial 911? The battery on her phone is dead and she needs to recharge it. (Good thing there's no emergency.)

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What is brown and smells bad? A white person that had been bathed in brown paint, and didn't shower for the next month, and rubbed poop all over them, and rubbed diarrhea all over them and rubbed rock poop all over them and rubbed pee all over them, and rubbed mud all over them, and pooped in a bottle.

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How do u get suzzy off a swing? You tell her to get off

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Why did the tomato blush? It didn't, tomatoes are naturally red by colour.

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Why did the chicken get hit by a bus? He tried to cross the road.

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Why was the black man pulled over on his way to KFC? Because he ran a red light.

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Why did seven eat nine? Because six was afraid of him.

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Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: ‘In silence.

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How many cows does it take to swim on land? 4.2

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What's worse than sex with a midget? Non-consensual sex with a midget.

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Why did Hitler commit suicide? Because he was completely depressed and overwhelmed because of the fact that he had lost World War II.

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Why was the teacher having sex with her pupils? Because it was 2145 and that kind of shit is common then

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What did the cop say to his belly? "Hey in there!"

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Why did the clown fall off the unicycle? Because I shot him in the face.

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Why did little jimmy fall of his bike? His grandma threw the refrigarator at him.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? If you don't know the answer by now, there's something wrong with you.

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock -Who's there Not Sarah

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The police shouldn't have cars. They should use skateboards and use flowers as their gun. When they catch a criminal in the act, they have to hug him before sending him to prison

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A bar walks into a man... The man begins screaming uncontrollably as the corner of the building is inserted into his anus. Brick by brick, the bar forces its way inside the man's ass, as blood begins dripping down his legs. The man knows damn well it is impossible for such a large building to be contained inside him, but he grits his teeth and forces his ass open wider. His ribs break, his lungs collapse, and his now lifeless body is stretched into the shape of the bar. The bar is almost entirely consumed before the man's skin gives way to the bulging pressure...with an explosion of blood & organs, the shredded remains of the man are slung-shot around the lot where the bar formerly stood. The bar, now soaked in a mixture of blood & organ fluid, reflects upon the failure of its experiment. For the next attempt, a man of far greater fortitude must be used, so that his body does not burst so easily. Only then will it achieve its dream of becoming the first bar to walk into a man.

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Roses are brown I likes clouds This joke isn't funny so don't laugh

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Q: How do you know what will happen when the world willl end? A: by experience

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What did Hitler say when he was dying? He said, "I'm dying."

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wanted tobe cool, But I look like you

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Knock knock. Who's there? It's Tyler Oh hey, come in

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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