A: what did one apple say to the other apple. B: Nothing apples cant talk

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Doctor: Why the long face? Elephant Man: That's not my face that's a tumor.

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Whats old and has been alone for years. Your dead nan

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Why was 6 afraid of seven? seven commited statitory rape on a younger 5, gang banged 8, murdered nine, was sent to jail for life, let out early for community service, and told 6 he was coming forhim 6 months later.... 6 commited suicide by jumping off a cliff his body was never found his family didnt get to say good bye thats why 6 is afraid of 7

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Why did Justin Bieber jump out of the airplane? He didn't, i pushed him

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Why'd the guy fall off the building? I pushed him

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If a tree falls on a deaf person, does anyone care?

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What's white and can't climb trees? Yogurt

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I just had major Deja Vu... Cool, Brett. No one cares.

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

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Situation: 2 cows eating grass on a warm Sunday night. Question: Why does 9+4=3 1/2? Answer: 69!

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Why didn't Jane go to school last Thursday? It was summer. No one went to school last Thursday.

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Why do you call a person who spits in your cheeseburger? A mean person

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Chuck Norris never shows emotion!!!... because he is a pragmatic person and thinks in a more logical manner.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Nobody, this is a metaphorical door..

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How many Women's Rights activists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They can't change anything.

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Why did the blonde jump off the bridge? She was clinically depressed and wanted to end her life

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Two muffins are in an oven one muffin says to the other muffin "It's hot in here" the other muffin says "Holy crap a talking muffin".

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Q: Whats pointy and sharp and rhymes with life? A: A spear. It's close enough.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? "Dwane!" I don't know any Dwane. Perhaps you have the wrong address. "Oh. Sorry to have bothered you!"

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There was a Jewish man and a German man why was it akward? Because one of them farted

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Why did the deer cross the road? The overpopulation of man has caused an expansion of construction into the habitat of the deer and it has required him to occasionally frequent human populated areas.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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