If life hands you lemons... Question yourself what just happened because life isn't tangible and has no way of handing you lemons, and even if it did, why lemons?

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The baby started screaming in the dead of night. It woke up his mother, but his father did not be woken by it. why? Because the father left the mother some time ago, and emigrated to Australia with a new girlfriend, who is incidentially a model, and therefore he could not have heard hs child scream whilst on the other side of the world. His new girlfriend dosen't like him.

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How many feet are in a yard? It depends how many people are in the yard.

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What's brown and rhymes with snoop ? Dr Dre.

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What's the difference between a cow and some dirt? They're the same except for almost everything

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What's white and can't climb a tree? A fridge

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Why do black guys always have sex on their mind? Because they are men.

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You know what's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Because you touch yourself.

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Why doesnt Squidward wear pants? Because he likes to hang loose

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A man walked into a bar. Ouch.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm going to murder you Did you look behind you?

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Why bouriquet fall off the swing? Ask him.

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Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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who is smarter than a human? a nerd

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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call him he isn't coming anyway!!!!

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Whats worse than the holocaust? Sex with helen keller.

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"You just went and made a new dinosaur?" "And due to its well-developed core muscles the staff behind Jurassic World has called it - 'ABDOMINUS PEX'." "That's a stupid name."

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Remember IRON MAN 3! Subscribe to www.prettypleasehelpmeforgethatpieceofshitmovie.com

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Today we eat large amounts of pizza. The one piece had a lot of mushrooms. Like more than the other pieces. The cheese was flawless except for the burnt edges.

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A life-sized cardboard cut out of Justin Bieber was in a contest with a cut out of Liam Neeson. It was stiff competition.

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? Max

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Why was the little boy sad? -Because he was on Fire.

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Whats the difference between a cow and a sheep a cow goes baa and a sheep goes moo

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why couldnt the jew play basketball? He was handicapp

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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