I dont have a girlfriend

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What do you call a man with no arms in the middle of the ocean? Mike.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the slaughterhouse was on the other side.

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what did the bus driver say to the black man when he got on the bus? nothing, carl has become very anti-social since his brother died

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you go to cvs and theres a robber trying to shoot everyone and the cashier says do you have a rewards card

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patty was in sunday school, the teacher asked her "patty who created the universe?" john sliped into the seat next to her and jabbed her with a pen "LORD ALMIGHTY" the teacher said' good patty now who gave himself for us? john again jabbed her with a pin "JESUS CHRIST" "that very good patty now what did mary say to joseph after they had their 23 child?" john jabbed her " IF YOU STICK THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME ILL BREAK IT IN HALF!!!" the teacher fainted

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A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

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A duck walks into a bar. The duck walks over to the bartender and orders a beer. "put it on my bill." he says. The bartender angrily grabs the duck and kicks him out of the bar, because the duck has done this many times, but has never once paid his bill to the bar. The duck is an alcoholic and is slowly ruining his relationship with his family.

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What do you get when a sister and a brother have sex? A deformed child.

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whats wosre than stubbing your toe? being lost on a desert island being raped

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John: what is blue and goes blub blub Phil; I don't know, what? John: a blue blub blub. What is green and goes blub blub Phil; a green blub blub John: no green blub blubs don't exist, what are you stupid?

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A black guy and a white guy are in a car. What is going to happen? They will arrive at their destination.

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Q:Did you know Helen Keller had a tree house? A: Neither did she

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A bicycle!

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Why was the boy crying in public with no clothes on? Because he had no clothes on in public.

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Donald Duck walks into a drug store and asks the lady behind the counter for a bag of condoms. So the lady says, "Sure thing sir, would you like me to put that on your bill"? Donald says," THIT(Shit)NO, I'LL THUFFOCATE! (Suffocate)

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Ily bae

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Why did the prestigious college accept the Native American student? Trick question, Native Americans don't exist anymore.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 0

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Why wasn't the white guy voted for president? He had down syndrome

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roses are blue, violets are red. I am color blind

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Why did the hamster cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.

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Why did the chicken crose the rode? Because there was a 10 foot scorpion chaseing it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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