What's sad about a girl getting hit in the face with a shovel? The shovel got dented..

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Who didnt visit the orphanage this year? Mom...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

I'm sorry but your child seems to have fractured his spinal column and can no longer control any part of his body below his neck.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did Hellen Keller drive off of the cliff? Because she is a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A boy got scratched by a dog and nearly killed him. When he grew up, a dog came running up to him and started biting and scratching him till he couldn't handle it. Then a plane crashed into him and he died.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Is this the Krusty Krab? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Patient: I thonk I'm gonna die Doctor: well will ya hurry up and die already? I've got to treat a kid with a paper cut.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call a penguin sliding down a hill how should i know.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did Susie fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Not Susie.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the paraplegic say when he walked? Nothing, paraplegics can't walk.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the customer say to the waiter when he found a fly in his soup? Sorry to bother you on your break, but why didn't I get a fly in MY soup?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why can't the blonde dial 911? The battery on her phone is dead and she needs to recharge it. (Good thing there's no emergency.)

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call a man who's being followed by 18 black guys? Dave, he's going to work and is stuck in traffic

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did Jim go to the hospital? To get an autopsy.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Whats the difference between a baby in a comma and an iPod? I actually use the baby.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What is worse than getting hit by a car? Getting hit by a truck

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did one dog say to the other dog? Bark.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did Jimmy fall over? Jimmy was hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How many republicans does it take to change a lightbulb? CHANGE?????

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did seven eat nine? Because six was afraid of him.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

why was the tricycle lonely? the mom back over the kid in the driveway.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you confuse your algebra teacher? Tell her to prove that she exists.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops