Why couldn't the man ever reach his dream of becoming a professional athlete? He was pronounced with Alzheimer at a young age and could never remember his dream the next day.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? she had no arms. Why doesnt she have arms? they got bit off by a shark. Knock knock. Who's there? Not the girl.

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What's the difference between an apple and a banana? One's an apple.

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How do you know if an elephants been in your fridge? It's completely destroyed.

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What did Batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile? "Robin, get in the batmobile!"

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How do you make an apple puff? Put the apple in a large pan with some water. Cover and cook gently for 20-25 minutes until soft. Add sugar and nutmeg to taste. Transfer to a bowl and leave to cool. Cover with pastry and bake until well-risen and golden.

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Colloqiual irregularities are a significant part of the English language, and excellent example of this is between can and may.

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Q. Why are most jews unemployed? A. They all got fired.

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why does big tom run the dock because he knows how to speak to skiiers

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Hey, guess what. What? ... Hello? Sorry, I don't talk to strangers.

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Yo mamma's so fat, that she weighs alot.

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Yo mama's so fat because her BMI is considered obese on the scale.

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How was breakdancing inventented? From niggas trying to steal hubcaps of moving cars!

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What does the redhead miss most at a party? Her father. He was in a car accident when she was young.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Pickles are powerful

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Knock Knock Jehovah's witnesses!

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No antijoke here.

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A wife says to her husband "Everybody's coming over tonight, I want you to dress nice." *logically this cannot happen because there is no way that this couples residence can fit all 6 or so billion people in the world, nor would they want to.

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the game

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Roses are red Violets are blue What about pansies

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What did the pirate say when his parrot died? Nothing. He was upset and didn't really feel like talking.

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why did kim kardashian get divorced? because she was unhappy with her marrige. and because shes a slut

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How do two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for 30 minutes? They don't and they died

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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