What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog

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Why did the Black man buy some slaves? They were his family

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Why did the baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.

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Here's a riddle: What can you catch, but not throw? A really heavy ball, or STDs.

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There are two men on a dock. The first man says, "What's your name?" The second man says, "GET OFF!" because he has turrets.

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Knock Knock. READ THE DAMN SIGN IT SAYS NO SOLICITORS!!! ... yeah.

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What's 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and can drive a woman crazy? Money

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What do you call a person with an eye patch, no arms, and a mohawk? A person with an eye patch, no arms, and a mohawk.

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What do you call a jew in an oven? A safety hazard

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Who invented chocolate? I don't know! Keep it to yourself.

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why can't dead peaple have sex? because they're dead.

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Yo mammas so fat she wears big clothes!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im bad at making jokes And your a jew

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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What's black, white, and can't turn around in a phone booth? A nun with a javelin through her chest.

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Death by kayak

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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Why did you mom shop at Wal-Mart? She had a coupon

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How many Mexicans does it take to cross the border? Don't answer, just think and laugh.

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What's the difference between a Pimple and a Priest? One waits till you're 13 to "cum" on your face.

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Why doesn't Julius Caesar answer his cell phone? Because he's DEAD.

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what was so bad about hitler? he inadvertently subjected his political officials to death by rope

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Q: How do you turn lights on and off? A: With a switch

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boling water: why is it taking so long for you to get hard? egg: sorry, it's just because i recently got laid by a chick.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops