What do you do when your baby won't stop crying. Slit its throat

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A woman asked me today if I'd ever tried crazy golf. I hadn't actually ever tried it.... So I replied "no".

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What did the cat say when it was hungry? Meow.

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a white men said to another white men that someone robbed a bank, it was at night and he wasn't wearing a mask, and also the camera couldn't see him, they now found out that he was black.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Why did the man pee his pants? Because he was paralyzed from the waist down and had no way of feeling

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Knock, knock Who's there? The electrician And about bloody time too, you'd better come in.

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what do you call a black guy with a nice car? most probably a rapper or professional athlete, however there is also a great chance that he is a doctor of philosophy and well educated.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Anything you like, he's blind.

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

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What's worse than finding out your dad has AIDS? Finding out your little brother also has it, but you and your mother don't.

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You scream I scream We all screamed when the chicken crossed the road

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What is yellow and bright? The sun.

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Roses are red Violets are blue There's nothing else I want to say

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Why is bobsledding the coolest sport? Because this is my subjective opinion.

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what do you call a man with one leg? whatever his name is.

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Why was the blonde on the train tracks? Because she was tied up by a madman on crack.

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Whats green and has wings? grass, I lied about the wings.

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PROS = good things CONS = bad thing So, if PROgress is a good thing...then why is the US government call CONgress?

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Grandma used to say "you only die once." Years later, I learned the wisdom behind those words.

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How many mathematicians does it take to count?

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A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender doesn't understand him because he doesn't speak duck and promptly calls animal control to have the duck removed.

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A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism.

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How do you kill a hobo? Throw a penny off a clif.. How do you kill another hobo? Tell him the penny's still down there

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops