Asexuals aren't known for f***ing around.

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A man walks into a bar, he then proceeds to purchase his favorite alcoholic beverage.

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Adeeeellllleeeee where are my shorts

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An elephant and a hippopotamus were taking a bath. The elephant said to the hippo, " Please pass the soap." The hippo replied, "No soap, radio."

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A man offered a little boy a ride home. He drove the boy home where his father preceeded to beat him senseless.

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I like to thumb up my own jokes.

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have u ever have to clean up ur own poop? me niether.

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What's the relationship between a frog and a building? They have nothing to do with each other so stop trying to figure out this query.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens have 2 legs

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cerleb i wrote the one about melons!

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01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110010 01110011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01101110 00100000 01100010 01101001 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101001 01101110 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110010 01101101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100110 01101001 01101110 01100100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101000 01100001 01101100 01100110 00100000 01100001 01101110 00100000 01100001 01110000 01110000 01101100 01100101 00111111 00100000 00001010 00001010 00001010 00001010 01001110 01101111 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111 Translate

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A hat

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can A hundred dead babies in a trash can Whats worse than a hundred dead babies in a trash can A live one at the bottom Whats worse than that It eats it way out Whats worse than that It brings friends

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My, you you... SEDUCER! XD, and there I go proving your point by going uppercase XD

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What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

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Q: How long does it take to dig to China? A: 5 mins. I hire a bunch of mexicans

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Roses are red violets are blue... Only not really. Actually light is reflected off them and these colors show up soo....

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he was content where he was.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners unfamiliar with the Latin alphabet.

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A grandma writes to her young grandson every day over e-mail with funny lines and pictures,He shows his parents a joke she sent him it reads- "A guy walks into a bar.. He says ouch" They then read on and call the police.They say "Son go to your room.. you're being stalked by a pedophile.. Your grandma has been dead since last year.. we are sorry"

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Yo mamma is so ugly, but your father was willing to look past that. They fell in love and you were born about a year after they got married.

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What do you call a man holding a bible? A man holding a bible. What do you call a woman holding a bible? A women holding a bible. What do you call a man and a women holding a bible? A man and a women holding a bible.

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There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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