What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? "I'm going to kill everyone you've ever loved you fucking cocksucker, you think you can get away with sleeping with my wife? You better think again kiddo I will take away everything from you until you are reduced to a smoldering ruin of what you once was, mark my words bitch."

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Q: Why did the girl fell from the swing? A: Because she had no arms.

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One I grabbed a lump of coal, and crushed it with such strength, that a human being was born out of it. That man is today known as Chuck Norris. Nero.

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Why did the fisherman go to Alaska? The commercial fishing business is strong there and it was a sound financial decision.

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Call me Ishmael. Or don't. Well, you can, but I'm not forcing you. You could call me Steve or Bob, it's not really that important. I'm just around here anyway to tell about a huge white dick. A whale dick. A SPERM whale dick. Never mind. Or the guy whose obsessed with it. No, it's not what it sounds like. He just wants to stab it with his harpoon. Wait, that sounds even worse. Whatever. Anyway, call me Ishmael...

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Person 1: Why don't you want to date me? Person 2: Because you are ugly Person 1: Why am I ugly? Person 2: Because you have bad features. Person 1: Why do i have bad features? Person 2: It's your genetics. Person 1: Why is it my genetics Person 2: Cuz that's the way god made you Person 1: Why? Person 2: Because god's god made you Person 1: Why Person 2: Because the god of god of god made you Person 1: Why? Person 2: That's the way the god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of (GOES ON FOREVER!!!) made you.

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What do you call a black man on the moon - A Problem What do you call 5 black men on the moon - A Bigger Problem What do you call every black person on the moon - Problem Solved!

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Whats long and black? The line at KFC.

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whats up with the irish jokes? Honestly im not a alcoholic so all of you can go F*** yourselfs...

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Knock knock. Who's there? The IRS, please get out of the way.

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Why was the boy sad he ate a loaf of bread? Because ducks ate him alive after that.

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What did the transvestite say to the hypochondriac? "Ever been to Toledo?"

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Why did the little boy chase after his ball? Because it rolled away

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I knew a little girl once. She was ate before she was seven.

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Why was a mother crying at a hospital? Because a bird threw a stick at her five minutes ago.

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Two muffins are in the oven. They don't say anything because muffins can't talk. The end.

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What is the french word for penis? I cannot say because I do not possess an adequate knowledge of the language.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A bicycle!

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Why did the duly oppressed individual where sunglasses? Because the sun was bright.

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whats worse than drinking bad milk? tea bagging a bear trap

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Knock knock. Who's there? We are members of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints.

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

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Why was the baby crying? He saw a nigga

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What's funny about 3 black men in a car going off a cliff? Nothing. They were my friends.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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