A duck walks into a bar. In the middle of writing this joke I realized that there were already jokes like this so I stopped writing this one.

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I SHOT SOMEBODY!!!! Said no stormtrooper ever.

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What did the coconut say to the lizard? Nothing, the coconut fell off the tree and killed the lizard.

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what do you call a cow with no legs? ground BEEF!!!!

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Where were guinea pigs created? Probably in Guinea Land or something.

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What's the difference between a duck and male black prostitute? The duck is says quack

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I suck at poetry Show me your tits

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Her Majesty's Government of the United Kingdom of Great Britain

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Why did the man have no friends? He mudered and ate someone in '86 and is rotting in prison.

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How Dow you make a baby stop crying?? Hit it with a brick By smash45

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What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

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What did the orange say to the lemon? We are both alike but a differnt color

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The philosophy professor decided to isolate himself in his closet until he figured out the meaning of life. After ten years, he had done it. He came out of isolation and immediately found one of his former colleagues on campus. He said, "I've discovered the meaning of life!" The colleague said, "Ok, what is it?" The professor said, "Life is like a bridge." The colleague said, "How so?" After a few moments, the professor nodded and said, "Yea, I guess you're right."

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I supported my sisters decision to get an abortion. Still would have been cool to be a dad :/

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What time is it in China right now? I have no idea, it would depend on when you are reading this. Perhaps you should look at a world clock, watch, or some other sort of time-telling device rather than humorous website. Its purpose is not to tell time. However, there are many other places for this. Good luck surfing the web, friend. I have aided you the best that I can. I only hope that you will find what you are looking for.

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"Lets begin, tell me about yourself," "ok, well first I'm a open book and..." "ok next" "why?" "I fucking hate books!"

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A hat

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How many fat people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to hold the ladder, another to screw it in. The third one stands to the side, just in case it breaks.

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A man walks into a bar. He goes up to the Bar Tender and says, "Hit me with all you got!" The bar tender then ducks down under the bar out of sight. He comes back up with a sledge hammer and viciously murders the man. Blood spews everywhere and many others are brutally murdered shortly afterwards. :)

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If Michelle rides her bike at 15 mph for 20 minutes and Erik rides his bike at 20 mph for 12 minutes, why is Michelle not in the kitchen?

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A. Where was Sally during the boston marathon bombing? Q. Everywhere. www.facebook.com/wowedgy

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Why did Harry Potter go to meet Professor Lupin? --Because he wanted to practice casting his Patronus

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What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

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Why did Lucy fall off the swing? She had no arms and legs Knock knock Who's there? Not Lucy

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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