What's pink and when you press a button it turns red? A baby in a blender. What's pink and when you hit it against the wall sounds metallic? A baby with two forks stuck in its eyes.

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what does a deer and grass have in common? they are both green but i lied about the deer

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a man walked in to a bar and said 'outch'

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What do you call a man with multiple sexual partners? Well, first you strongly urge him to get tested for any contagious and potentially dangerous STD's that could have been transmitted from one partner's genitalia to another person's genitalia which could have very well been he himself. They could be life threatening. Oh, and call him by his first name.

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A man walked into a bar. He was meeting his friends but was 30 minutes early so he went down the road to buy some food. He had recently began dieting after watching a series of lifestyle programs which informed him of the potential risks involved with high cholesterol and blood pressure levels. He purchased a garden salad and a freshly squeezed orange juice, and made it back to the bar in time to meet his friends.

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What do you call a handsome nerd? The name that is on his birth certificate.

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A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?" Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning." So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed. The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again." So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see." To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

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Why did the tourist cross the road? He was sightseeing.

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A deaf man walks into a bar. Someone yells, "FIRE!" and everyone evacuates. The deaf man does not hear him and dies horribly.

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autsim

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What do you call five black me pushing a car? "Very nice young men who helped me when I broke down," according to my grandmother.

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What do you call a skeleton in a closet? The hide-and-seek champion.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side.

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What happens when a man goes to college? He gets a degree and graduates most of the time or he fails miserably.

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Knock knock. Who's there? No one, because your house burned down.

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"Sticks and stones" the man said and shat on three different complex turtles

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VITAMIN C!

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How hot was the blonde considering she was in Africa for the first time and it was 103 degrees, very

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why cant dinosaurs talk? because they're all dead

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why couldn't the boy use the computer He could i meant could

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Chris: Hey, want to hear a sad joke? Joe: No, those are mean and offensive.

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A terminte walks into a pub and ask is the bar tender here?

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What did the Chinese man say to the Japanese man Nothing as they have never met

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What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops