Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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awkies when jamie and jacob hook up, and u have to tell the dog..i maen danni that this has been going on for 2 months

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally

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What do you call a 6 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.

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What is the difference between Barack Obama and Simba from the Lion King? One is a cartoon character from a beloved Disney classic and the other is the current President of the United States of America.

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Have you ever tasted Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

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What's worse than a bee sting? A large number of things ranging from getting stung by two bees to falling off a cliff.

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A duck walks into a bar *************************** Later that day the homeless man had duck for dinner.

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Roses are gray, Violets are gray, Everything is gray, I'm a dog.

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A man told his daughter not to give his dog coffee. His daughter turned and told him that she was his nurse and his alzheimers is getting worse.

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HOw do u DEFeat thE hatErsz shitted on em

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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? A one-way ticket to Hell for messing with God's creations, you heathen!

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Once upon a time, a duck named Jim went to work, he went up to the steps to his new job and and he was paid all day to sit in a hot tub. Little did he know it was a boiling pot and he was served at Christmas dinner

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How do you get a Jew to jump off a cliff? You kidnap his family and threaten to kill them if he doesn’t.

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If I were a cat, would you help with the toast?

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I like touching my boobs

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Whats worse than being out in the cold? Having cancer.

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Q. whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? A. A jew is a human of the jewish religion, and a pizza is food.

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What do you call a half-Latino, half-Asian baby? The product of a healthy interracial couple.

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Why did Bob fall over? He was impaled by a narwhal. -BG

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what do you call a cat that looks like a lion 7

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Rosees are red Violets are blue I have schizophrenia and I do too

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Weebles wobble, but paralyzed kids fall down.

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knock knock. who's there. gestapo.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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