Please give money to a local Jew we have had such a bad time please ONLY people who are Jews.

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What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper... used to clean up a crime scene.

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My friend, who has struggled with a lifelong battle against anorexia, died yesterday..." "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" "Yeah, me too. The car ran the stoplight and it was all over...

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A duck walks into a bar. the manager kicks him out considering animals are not allowed in the bar.

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Why did the little hamster die? Because it had a careless owner who never paid any attention to it. therefor it passed away.

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roses are red violets are blue i like elephants

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Why was the women not in the kitchen? Because she was probably doing something else

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Why did the monkey fall from the tree? It passed away in its sleep.

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What's the difference between your mom and a table? The table has legs.

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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What does Mr. Newell have? - Diabetes. Mr. Newell has diabetes.

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What is useless and over-payed? Our government.

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What did they do with the drunken sailor? Gave him the sack, which meant he could no longer provide for his family.

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A man walks into a bar, looks around, and reveals an AK-47 assault rifle he had been concealing beneath his trenchcoat. He then turns to his left and fires repeated shots around the bar, to the surprise and fear of many. Then he shoots himself. The death total is estimated at 9, including the shooter, while the total injured is around 22.

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What shoots rockets but is not classed as a deadly weapon? A toy rocket launcher, I lied about the rockets.

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I saw a TV show last night. And it was good.

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Knock knock Who's there? Orange That's impossible...

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Roses are red Violets are blue Daisies are yellow Trust me, I'm a florist.

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What happened after the man with no arms and legs lost his keys? He called the police.

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What's comfy and easy to wear? Shorts.

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Why was the frog sad? Because he had a boy's face stapled to his feet.

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A fat man walks into McDonald's and was then seen leaving 8 hours later as he finished his shift.

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30cm = 0,3meters

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What can fly, but can not swim? Malaysia Airlines Flight 370

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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