Robert Muldoon: "Clever girl..." Velociraptor: "I appreciate your compliment, but I will still eat your face."

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

thumb_up thumb_down -11

whats the best part of having sex with twenty-three year olds? there's twenty of them.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk die and find themselves standing before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. Actually, that's just speculation. No one really knows what happens when you die. Most likely your consciousness simply stops, and you cease to exist, an eternity of oblivion. But most people can't face this possibility so we have made up comforting stories to attempt to ease our collective fear of death.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

roses are red pickles are green i like your legs and whats in between

thumb_up thumb_down -11

when there's trouble lurking in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call? The local authorities.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A dog, a cat, and a a fish were having a conversation while their owners were away. Ashton Kutcher is a murderer.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man walked into a bar. He stayed for a bit and had a good time.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Ask me if I'm wearing pants. Are you wearing pants? Yeah.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, chickens aren't capable of crossing roads without being involved in a car accident.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What has Whitney Houston got in common with a spider? They're both black and they can't get out of the bathtub

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man asks his doctor if you can die from drinking to much water. The doctor replies 'Yes you can'

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the second and says, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" The second muffin replies, "Holy crap a talking muffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

cake cake and no cake, your life just ended

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's the difference between Santa clause and the Jews? Santa goes down the chimney

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what is better than your entire family getting brutally murdered applesauce

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How do you get 2x1=4? Do the wrong math.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: Why did the guy ring the doorbell? A: Because he was sick of all the crappy knock-knock jokes

thumb_up thumb_down -11

why did the clown stop laughing? because it got hit by an axe

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man walked into a bar. That hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Friend: Do you want to go to the bar or see a movie first? Me: Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Want to hear a joke? So do I.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's the best thing about shrimp? It never goes bad.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Kid: Mom I'm gonna dig a hole all the way to China! Mom: That's sweet but it's impossible dear. You'll get to tired after awhile to go any farther. Also, by any chance you did dig really deep, you would melt and die if you got the the center because the magma will kill you when you get to it. Alright son? Kid: What?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops