what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? where's my tractor?

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What do you call a Mexican who likes to eat burritos? A Mexican

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Why did piglet look down the toilet for pooh? He had a horrible mental illness

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AHLTFKCITAWKSHTC

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I just sharpened this hatchet Don't make me use it!

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How did poor Miss Suzy get her poor little baby to stop crying? She cut off its head, burned its body, and sacrificed its ashes in a bizarre Satanic ritual that involved having sex with a heifer. (Miss Suzy was a Satanist priestess.)

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What happed when the homeless shelter went out of business? -Everyone went hungry and died.

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Do you need a life...? You can borrow mine! lol JUBIE! :()

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A guy starts writing a gag for a joke site. But then he couldn't think of a punchline.

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One man said to another, "Hey, can you hear that?" "No." He replied.

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What's green, grows in my basement, and if fun to smoke? Mold. I lied about it being fun to smoke.

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If you have a dinosaur, how many bicycles do you need to do your homework? Yes, because chewing gums would ask if Greg can go to the handball match.

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What did the poor boy get for Christmas? Orphaned.

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why did the guy cross the road? Because he felt like it

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your car? I don't know, you should check the zoo's surveillance camera.

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Your family is so fat that when their feet hit the ground, it recorded 9 on the richter scale, because they were launched at the Earth at close to the speed of light, and when you account for relativistic mass effects, the amount of energy that was displaced into the ground was tremendous

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the Shell Station.

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So a little girl walked into a bar... A concerned adult then told the bartender. The bartender's name was Jim. Jim then asked the girl if she knew her phone number. The little girl said nothing and the bar tender was perplexed at the petrified look on the girls face. Jim the bartender then called the police and explained the situation.Once the girl was brought back to the police station it was learned that she had been missing for three months in a nearby county. The police then return to the bar to find that the owner had multiple kidnapped little girls in a cage under the bar that only he and the kidnapped girls knew about before the cops and Jim the bartender discovered it. The police then arrested The owner of the bar. He stood trial and was senteced to death row, he remains there today.

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Bill: My vagina is itchy. Tom: You don't have a vagina. It was later found out that bill had a sex change and did have an itchy vagina, due to an STI. He later died of cancer.

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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How do you kill a red elephant? You can't red elephants don't exist.

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What do you call a dear with no eyes? no eyed dear what do you call a dear with no head? dead!

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What's green and has wheels? The Holocaust. I lied about everything.

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I bought a pound of gold for my new gold ring, later that day I lost it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops