A used condom filled with water and left on a radiator makes an ideal and inexpensive lava lamp.

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What bird can lift the most? i do not know, I suggest asking an Ornithologist

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Guy 1: why are you such a douche? Guy 2: cause douches get the most p***y

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Whats the difference between a lemon and an ant? They're both yellow except for the lemon.

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If I give you 5 dollars, and you give me 5 dollars, then we both still have 5 dollars, which when combined will equal 10 dollars. Meaning we could buy something that cost's 10 dollars or less. But we should probably also factor in tax, so we should only buys something that costs a little over 9 dollars.

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What happens if you fell off a 600 foot cliff? You die.

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Roses are red violets are blue... Only not really. Actually light is reflected off them and these colors show up soo....

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Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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why cant ben cry, because i gorged his eyes out with a popsickle stick.....

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a structure used to support sitting people, the other is a human being native to Mexico.

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What has two legs and bleeds between them? The back half of a dog with a deep cut in its belly.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Black people are black They are inferior

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You're flying above the Kansas Ocean, you lose your brakes and have to paddle all the way to shore. How many dogs can you fit on a carousel? Blue, because Ice Cream is cold.

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When life gives you melons. You're not dyslexic because you can probably tell the difference between a lemon and melon because they look so different.

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A gorilla walks into a bar and gets a banana martini. The bartender thinks that this is peculiar, and then he realizes he is dreaming. He wakes up and tells his wife about this ridiculous dream that he had. His wife ignores him, and the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes that his marriage is in shambles.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends. How hard can you throw?

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What did the oncologist say to his patient? You have terminal cancer.

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A: How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Q: None! They shouldn't have to...

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"Ask me a question." "No" "Cheese" ... "What?"

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A beautoful poem: Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun! gimme all your money!

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how do you kill a man? slowly saw off all their limbs and then jump up and down on the torso and let all the organs fly out

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what is red, black, and blue all over? A horribly painted room.

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What did one cat say to another? Cats cant talk

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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