What do you get if you cross a football with Theo Walcott? A goal kick.

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why does little Lucy have no friends? because she is in a wheelchair

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AAAnd that did not totally send a rush of sweet endorphin's up my spine, I think myself of as really really blunt, I value individualism rather than complete assimilation, I think that, if people want to hear my opinion, they ask me, and if they want to hear what they want to hear, they can ask... Pff, anybody else. I end up insulting a lot of people literally asking for it, but moments like these make it all worth it. I am also extremely superstitious, the catchphra states "Grain of salt" so I wont take your comment completely... I am just screwing around...

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Sorry, I need to take care of business up here, it is for the best that we do not communicate for a while, suspicions are going to be flaring up all over the place You better keep your head low, the place with the code-name "The Kings Throne" was under attack, but as you might know, its not what it used to be, you should all leave Point Zero in 3-4 hours when the dust has settled. Personally I suspect it is someone from the past, yes rivals, but according to the information nobody that knows who "The Nero" is, so as you can already tell, you and I are in equal danger until this is resolved. I promise to call you someday

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what happens when 15 babies cross the street? well, some may be hit by cars. others will have to face the harsh life of reality.

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What did the DJ play at the disco? What's that coming over the hill Is it a monster? Is it a monster? What's that coming over the hill Is it a monster? Is it a monster? What's that coming over the hill Is it a monster? Is it a monster? What's that coming over the hill? Confused, mind bruised, it seeps out It seeps out, it seeps out Face down, home town looks so grey Looks so grey, looks so grey Convexed you bend, twist and shout Twist and shout, twist and shout Stand up brush off get moving Get moving, get moving What's that coming over the hill Is it a monster? Is it a monster? (x4) Face down, home town, face down, home town Face down, home town, it looks so grey (x4) What's that coming over the hill Is it a monster? Is it a monster? (x4) More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/monster_lyrics_automatic_the.html All about Automatic The: http://www.musictory.com/music/Automatic+The

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A man walks up to a girl and says "Hello there" The girl doesn't respond because she has been deaf and blind for her entire life and doesn't know he is there. Potatoes.

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What do a plum and an elephant have in common? They're both gray, except for the plum

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What do you call a bench full of white people The NBA

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Q:How do u kill a butcher A: Kill its family

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Your neighbor. Ok, Come in.

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There once was a baby named Paul Bunyan who was as big as a house. His mother died at childbirth.

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A Muslim walks into a bar, and has a pint of lager because he has chosen to integrate into his host country's culture. He then leaves without incident.

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What do you get when you mix a dog with a pool table? I don't know.

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How many babiess it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Why did Sarah fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sarah.

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A guy wants to build his house out of bricks. So, he hires some experts and they build his house with bricks.

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What's big and hairy my penis just kidding It's Bigfoot

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Why did the boy lose the race? Because he is morbidly obese.

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Have you seen stevie wonders new house No Niether has he

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Neither has he.

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roses are red violets are blue grass is green

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What is black and blue, with nothing to do? The prostitute in my basement.

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Can a rabbit jump higher than a tree? No. Trees don't jump

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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