Why did the little girl fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.

What was the babies first word? Nothing: It was a still-born.

What's worse than getting a bruise? AIDS.

A man walks into a bar, and immediately sees a person with a big orange head seated near the back. He asked the bartender "why does that man have a big orange head?" "Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell you." So the man bought him a drink and asked the guy with the big orange head why he has a big orange head, and he told him this story: "I was traveling in the sahara desert 10 years ago when I found a pure gold lamp in the sand. I rubbed the sand off so I could read what was on the side when a genie popped out and gave me 3 wishes. First I wished for many riches, and at once gold was all around my feet. Exited, I wished for the most beautiful wife in the world, and right in front of me appeared the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Third, I wished for a big orange head.

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What do you call an Arab man flying a plane? A pilot.

What did the fat man buy at Mcdonalds? A unicorn

My mother has chlamydia. That's it.

What do you call a man who eats another man? An man eater.

How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

how many babies dose it take to paint a fence it depends on how hard you throw them

Two gorillas walked into a bar and it hurt

A duck walks passed a lemonade stand.

What's brown and green, has six legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

your dad called night and told me your grandpa died.

why does god like Justin Bieber? He can't god doesn't like the devil.

what is racecar backwards in reverse

Chuck Norris doesn't wait in traffic, he takes the subway

Why did the duck cross the road? Because it was going to the destination he wanted to go to.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends. How hard can you throw?

A donkey looks at a goat. The goat walks away.

If someone tells you to look behind you do you? No

Roses are green Violets are grey Tulips are a lighter grey I am colorblind.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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