Two cows are in a field. One says to the other, "are you worried about this mad cow disease that's going around?" The other replies, "I'm not worried - I'm a squirrel."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why isnt Gemma a Surfboarder? .. Because She was a Stillborn. Why isn't Kate a Ballerina? Because She's paralysed. Why isnt Tommy an Olympic High Jumper? Because He's a dwarf.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

You know I can, and I already have, as once the mind knows its getting certain medications, it spends the energy required in order to achieve the effect, this is what psychiatrists and those assholes would call "psychological effect". With that said, I am still tired, and the stimulants are waking up my ouchies too, so I think ill get some sleep and dont worry, I can sleep with any stimulants as long as I can use my mind. By the way, my "hypnosis senses" are not hypnosis by themselves, but in order to hypnotize oneself and other, one must learn to read body language and stuff like that, something which I now do subconciously because I am experienced. Alice is calm again, her hands are shaking but she is cold, I am pretty sure she is far more tired than I am, so I kinda ordered her to go home, this guy can type for me. Just want you to know that I am doing fine now, and that the PTSD is much less severe than before as my brain no longer remembers the voice and looks my parents had back then, so I just feel my nose getting punched and breaking, its... Surprisingly annoying, so ill get some sleep, if nothing else it will help Alice get better, and I wont lie, I need it.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the Jew have so much money? He had a good education and therefore, a high paying job.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

The hooker walks into a bar wearing a vest and tight denim shorts. A drunken man proceeds in trying to have his way with her. He is thrown out for sexual mis-conduct and is currently waiting for his court date.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he'd would like to make a wager. The bartender replies, "no."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

why wouldn't the printer work? because there was an animal in it.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What happens when you shoot a giraffe? It dies.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

This is a stupid joke. Get it to the top of the list and Kobe Bryant will pass to you.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Nock nock Whos there? The mailman, I have a package for you. Thank you.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's red and smells like blood? Blood.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile? Robin, get into the Batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: Why did the boy have blue balls? A: because the respectable girl with high self esteem refused to give him head.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

WHATS A CRUM AND LIVES IN A SLUM ?? A BOY CALLED KEVIN CRUMMY

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: how do you get a live elephant into a refrigerator? A: you buy an industrial sized refrigerator from cost-co and then walk the elephant slowly but surely through the door. Q: how do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator? A: after removing the elephant by means of walking out the door, slice the giraffe into small pieces approx. 1m by 1m by 1m and put those into the refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: Do you know what's the no.1 cause of pedophellia? A: Sexy kids

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what starts with b and ends with b? The bomb i just planted in your house.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What Do you call a black priest? Holy shit!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

An asian man and a black man were having a conversation. The asian man sneezed. The black man got SARS and he died shortly after.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You're adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the chicken cross the street? I would rather live in a world a chicken's motives would not be questioned.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Do u know where the glue is? nope, i just glued my hand to this table, so im no help to u

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Whats worse than ten babies stapled to a tree? One baby stapled to ten trees.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you get when you mix a elephant and a rhino? A nasty tasting smoothie.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops