Why did the director call cut? Because he was shot dead by Nazis.

Whats the leading cause of death Life.

What starts with F and ends with UCK? Firetruck

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there. Just kidding because today brought terminal cancer.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Relax and enjoy sugartits, you see, I left a last chance for you to shut down the function yourself, when you really want to end it sugartits, you can just read and focus on what I am calling you, sugartits, it really insulted you at first sugartits, but do you see it? Have a nice night sugartits, I mean I sleep like half a hour luckily because of hypnosis and the time control and you know stuff that sounds like its from Sonic or you sugartits. But I gotta go dear sugartits, you want to hypnosis to end, you make it happen by focusing on what I am calling you here.

But officer, I did come to a full stop!

Roses are red Violets are fine I'll be the 6 You be the 9

Hey I just met you and this is crazy this song doesn't rhyme penis

so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

Why was the snowman afraid of the sun? Because he would melt that day and die

What did the little boy say when he was asked what he wanted to be when he grew up? Adolf Hitler

What happens when you take a break from reality? Nothing, it's impossible, unless you live in a virtual world.

How do you make a unicorn? Jab a stick through a pink horse and name it Liam

What comes after 7? Pedophiles.

How did Justin Bieber die? He didn't. And we all need to stop making fun of that poor boy.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Unless he's a witch doctor, then you'll need an apple and some ayaheusca. The fractal dream will destroy time and space as consciousness returns upon itself at times end

What would Ronald Reagan say if he was alive today? Nice to meet you my name is Ronald Reagan

What's the difference between a box of dead babies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

How do you make Barack Obama upset? Stab him.

What do a plum and a rabbit have in common? They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you were observing it, thus changing its quantum state and making it decide to cross.

How many licks does it take to got to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? 357

That moment when the worst part of the movie, is when your pregnant wife pees on the couch.....

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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