Q: What do you get when you cross a cactus and a platypus? A: I was wondering the same thing.

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A blind man walks into a library.

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HAHAH MY WORD IS HAPPY CLAPPY

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Why did Austin Bell smell like tuna? He had sea food at Joes Crab Shack

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue.... I hate your guts.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist.

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Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

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A man walked into a bar. He got a concussion and couldn't see strait for days.

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What is small, red, and can't fit through a doorway? A baby with a spear through its head. Posted By: Lram

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What do an airplane and a grape have in common? They both have wings, except the grape.

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What's worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Your dog pooped on my lawn Now my violets are even more blue

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Roses are red And heres something new Violets are violet They're not friggin blue

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One time, I called the police, but it was actually a fire. So my neighbors died.

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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Where did Mary go when the bomb blew up? Everywhere.

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His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

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Why did Mia fall off of Lucy's bike? Because Lucy didn't like Mia and shot her in the face.

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what do you call a black man who bakes bread? a baker. you racist.

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So an African American man and another man of Hispanic, more specifically Mexico, are riding in the backseat of a car, who's driving? Probably their private chauffeurs, but most definitely not someone related to the Police Department.

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Fun Fact: If you lay out all of the veins in your body out, You will die

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.

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What do gay kittens eat? Cat food. Friskies and Fancy Feast are both popular brands.

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Why was Timmy late for class? He got hit by a bus. Why was Jimmy late for class? He saw Timmy lying in the middle of the street, went out to help and got hit by another bus.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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