I walk into Tesco and wrestle an obese women for a packet of ''Mini's Biscuits''. This quarrel was over nothing but a trolley filled with them. I gradually became infuriated. Meanwhile, an employee commited suicide.

Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow? Because her dog was blind too.

Q: How do you turn lights on and off? A: With a switch

Why did the house burn down? Obama

Knock Knock Who's there? The IRS. You've been convicted of tax evasion.

Bark I'm a tree

Why do firemen wear red suspenders? To keep their pants up.

roses are red violets are blue What smells like poo? Your waffle's blue

What would you do if your penis disintegrated? Never mate again.

Roses are red Violets are blue some poems rhyme this one doesn't

WWII veteran screamed! "You damn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

What's worse than losing the remote? Dying of cancer.

Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse..”

How is a monkey like a bicycle? They can both climb trees. Except for the bicycle.

What would you call Kenny Dalgleish if he was black? Mr Dalgleish in a formal setting, Kenny in an informal one.

A man is jogging down the street. He bangs his kneecap into a metal pole and shatters it. He is then hit by a giant cheese wheel and dies.

I have two friends, Jeffrey and Barbara. You might think that Jeffrey likes sports and beer, and that Barbara likes knitting and cooking. But you'd be wrong, Barbara is dead.

What did the dead man say? Nothing because dead human beings have no beating heart and do not live so they cannot speak.

I took my blind grandmother to the art gallary

Why do white people drive big trucks? 'Cause they can afford it.

Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But this one doesn't.

How do you stop birds from building nests in your grill? You turn the grill on

What was the last song those aboard the Titanic sang? "Staying alive"

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours? A: Because she was dead.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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